Baseline Appointment

So this morning I had yet another person see my vajayjay, what else is new? I had some blood drawn, an internal ultrasound and then the oh so fun uterine sounding.  I was expecting pain but nothing can ever fully prepare you for intense cervical and abdominal cramps--thank goodness it only lasted about 20-30 seconds and ended with me clenching the table for dear life.  I really could have used Mike there for support, but such is life. 

I left my appointment feeling completely overwhelmed. I've felt in my gut for a long time that we would have to do IVF to have our family but it is surreal now that it's finally here.  I didn't expect to feel so emotional about everything.  I know a huge part of it is not having my support system home with me but I think I am mostly scared of the unknown. My biggest fear right now is not the four injections a day, but that this will all be for nothing and that I won't get pregnant.  It has been three years since we actively started trying to conceive and now we find ourselves beginning the ultimate treatment. I know that IVF can be a process and that sometimes it takes a few attempts to be successful but I am wishing so hard that this works the first go around.

I start my Lupron tomorrow and my Menopur on Wednesday. I'll be doing am/pm Lupron and am/pm Menopur. I am so incredibly grateful for my donor meds. My meds are still in Customs but IVFMeds has sent a replacement order that "might" be here Thursday. Here's hoping that they aren't held hostage as well!

To help me stay positive throughout this, I've hung up a few 'good luck notes' and some quotes in my bathroom, quotes that have brought me hope during my journey with infertility.  I hope that they bring me comfort and will remind that this will all be worth it for our future baby.  I can't wait to tell him or her (or them!) how much they were wanted and how much they were loved before they were even conceived.

"When the world says give up hope whispers, try it one more time." 

"Our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." -Walt Disney

"It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want."

Without further adieu, here is a picture of my set up. Obviously I would have more Menopur if my shipment had actually arrived but this is about half of what I need along with gauze pads, alcohol swabs, sharps container, prenatal vitamins, filtered needles, Q-Caps, 40 vials of diluent and about 50-75 syringes and needles. Commence freak out.