I'm sitting here crying right now. My temp dropped this morning and I have light flow. The ONLY reason I was okay with getting my period this month is because I knew I could call to schedule the HSG.
I called the IF clinic and she said because of the holiday weekend (i.e. post wide training holiday) they are only doing the procedures one day next week and they're completely booked. The first available appointment is Oct 12, which is passed the window of opportunity for this month. That means I have to wait another month to have my HSG. I am so disappointed and frustrated. I felt so hopeful for next cycle and the wind has just been completely knocked out of my sails. I know I am fortunate to receive free healthcare but working around the Army's schedule just sucks!
What's to say that there won't be another training holiday in November and so on and so forth? Ugh. I feel so let down.
Hello cycle 20. =(
Sep 29, 2010
Sep 20, 2010
First RE Visit
I arrived at MAMC (the hospital on Lewis) and, as usual, it was jam packed. I parked in the first spot I could find--which happened to be the second to last furthest one away from the hospital. I practically run inside since I only have 15 minutes until my appointment is supposed to start. I went in the door that I always go in and ask the little retiree in the red vest if he could please direct me to the infertility clinic? He tells me it's in the main part of the hospital and that I have to go all the way down a hallway, make a left, and take the elevator to the third floor. Again, I practically start running. I get on the elevator and get off on the third floor--there are no hallways or desks or anything, just a maintenance closet. I get back on the elevator and ask a nurse if he could tell me where the IF clinic is...he doesn't know. I ask a Resident and she can't help me either because she hasn't had a 3rd floor rotation yet. I get on a different elevator and just start walking around on the 3rd floor until I find a sign--"Infertility THAT WAY." I finally found the check in desk at 1328--my appointment was scheduled for 1330. It's a damn good thing I have long legs or I would have never made it!
I got called back by a nurse pretty quickly which was great because I was worried about waiting 2+ hours the way Mike and I did for his ortho appointment. I waited a few minutes until two residents (2LTs) came in the room to take my history. Sometimes I really dislike being seen at a teaching hospital. He sat down and said, "Tell me about your history." I'm pretty sure it was like opening the gates for a race horse--I unloaded and probably talked for 5 minutes straight without letting him get a word in. :) I'm not sure if I intimidated him or what but when I handed him my charts and said, "See? I ovulate on my own and I'm just not getting pregnant!" he looked at my charts with a confused face and immediately handed them back to me. Okay...thanks. I'm so glad I took 20 minutes of my time this morning to print all of these out for you to not even look at. Maybe it's because he's suprised that I had already been charting--I know that is one of the first things they will counsel a couple on upon arrival in their clinic. They will suggest charting and intercourse timing before testing so luckily we get to bypass that step. The other annoying thing was that he asked me the same exact questions I had to fill out on the IF Clinic Intake Form--sexual history, medical history, periods, past pregnancies, etc. Mike and I filled it out together before he went TDY. If they're not going to read it, why did they make me fill it out? When he asked if we drank alcohol I replied, "Well...it is football season." :)After taking my history they went to talk to the doctor and they decided to do a vaginal ultrasound. Luckily I had already, ahem, prepared for this possibility and made sure everything was nice and groomed.
I really liked that Dr. C explained everything to me as he was performing the ultrasound. He took some measurements of my ovaries, told me that I probably ovulated from my right side this month, and that everything appears to be normal. There is some fluid surrounding my uterus which he says they will keep an eye on but is nothing to be overly concerned about. I asked him about having blood work done and he said that the blood panel requested by my OB/GYN (in June after the ovarian cyst was discovered) showed normal hormone levels. I asked him if it mattered that the blood was drawn at a random point in my cycle and he said no because everything was within normal ranges. He said there may be a need in the future for CD3 and CD21 blood work but they are not ordering it at this time.
The next step is to wait for my period to start and then call to schedule an HSG--the test where a catheter is used to inject dye into my fallopian tubes to check for blockages. Obviously we need to make sure I am not pregnant before doing this test so I get to play the waiting game for a few weeks. If that comes back all clear, Dr. C said we will discuss trying out some treatments/drugs to stimulate follicle growth in order to increase our chances of achieving pregnancy! That's the game plan for now! I'm glad to finally have the ball rolling and now I can move on to stressing about the HSG. Ha.
I got called back by a nurse pretty quickly which was great because I was worried about waiting 2+ hours the way Mike and I did for his ortho appointment. I waited a few minutes until two residents (2LTs) came in the room to take my history. Sometimes I really dislike being seen at a teaching hospital. He sat down and said, "Tell me about your history." I'm pretty sure it was like opening the gates for a race horse--I unloaded and probably talked for 5 minutes straight without letting him get a word in. :) I'm not sure if I intimidated him or what but when I handed him my charts and said, "See? I ovulate on my own and I'm just not getting pregnant!" he looked at my charts with a confused face and immediately handed them back to me. Okay...thanks. I'm so glad I took 20 minutes of my time this morning to print all of these out for you to not even look at. Maybe it's because he's suprised that I had already been charting--I know that is one of the first things they will counsel a couple on upon arrival in their clinic. They will suggest charting and intercourse timing before testing so luckily we get to bypass that step. The other annoying thing was that he asked me the same exact questions I had to fill out on the IF Clinic Intake Form--sexual history, medical history, periods, past pregnancies, etc. Mike and I filled it out together before he went TDY. If they're not going to read it, why did they make me fill it out? When he asked if we drank alcohol I replied, "Well...it is football season." :)After taking my history they went to talk to the doctor and they decided to do a vaginal ultrasound. Luckily I had already, ahem, prepared for this possibility and made sure everything was nice and groomed.
I really liked that Dr. C explained everything to me as he was performing the ultrasound. He took some measurements of my ovaries, told me that I probably ovulated from my right side this month, and that everything appears to be normal. There is some fluid surrounding my uterus which he says they will keep an eye on but is nothing to be overly concerned about. I asked him about having blood work done and he said that the blood panel requested by my OB/GYN (in June after the ovarian cyst was discovered) showed normal hormone levels. I asked him if it mattered that the blood was drawn at a random point in my cycle and he said no because everything was within normal ranges. He said there may be a need in the future for CD3 and CD21 blood work but they are not ordering it at this time.
The next step is to wait for my period to start and then call to schedule an HSG--the test where a catheter is used to inject dye into my fallopian tubes to check for blockages. Obviously we need to make sure I am not pregnant before doing this test so I get to play the waiting game for a few weeks. If that comes back all clear, Dr. C said we will discuss trying out some treatments/drugs to stimulate follicle growth in order to increase our chances of achieving pregnancy! That's the game plan for now! I'm glad to finally have the ball rolling and now I can move on to stressing about the HSG. Ha.
 |
| The torture chamber. |
Sep 19, 2010
Think of Me!
I've spent the last hour trying to find a witty, inspirational quote that could pertain to infertility and uplift my spirits in preparation for tomorrow. I hope that I am able to keep it together and don't turn into a big bag of tears when I start talking to the doctor. I ask that you, the people I affectionately call my stalkers, say a prayer for me tomorrow. It's a big day for us and I keep thinking that this day could change my life forever. Thanks in advance!
Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. -Martin Luther King, Jr.
Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do.-Pope John XXIII
We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes. -John F. Kennedy
Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. -Martin Luther King, Jr.
Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do.-Pope John XXIII
We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes. -John F. Kennedy
Sep 17, 2010
Teddy Bear in a Punk Rock Suit
Every now and then Mike wows me and absolutely knocks me off my feet. Today he did it twice.
I told him that I've been reading that most husbands have not been allowed in the room during their wife's HSG because it is kind of a surgical procedure. It sucks because I'm really nervous about it and it will most likely be painful. He said, "Well then I'm just going to have to see if they'll let me wear scrubs or something so I can go in with you." What a guy!
A few weeks ago he told me about a dream he had. A little boy came up to him and grabbed hold of his leg and said to a girl a little older than him, "Haha. Can't catch me! Daddy is home base!" Talk about inducing a flow of tears! Anyway, after having dinner with some of our friends and their three year old in NY Mike started talking about how he won't be able to tell his little girl no. He plans to be completely wrapped around her little finger. Big, tattooed, scary Mike. I always said he was my teddy bear in a punk rock suit.
I told him that I've been reading that most husbands have not been allowed in the room during their wife's HSG because it is kind of a surgical procedure. It sucks because I'm really nervous about it and it will most likely be painful. He said, "Well then I'm just going to have to see if they'll let me wear scrubs or something so I can go in with you." What a guy!
A few weeks ago he told me about a dream he had. A little boy came up to him and grabbed hold of his leg and said to a girl a little older than him, "Haha. Can't catch me! Daddy is home base!" Talk about inducing a flow of tears! Anyway, after having dinner with some of our friends and their three year old in NY Mike started talking about how he won't be able to tell his little girl no. He plans to be completely wrapped around her little finger. Big, tattooed, scary Mike. I always said he was my teddy bear in a punk rock suit.
Sep 16, 2010
It's Real
Well Mike had to leave this morning at 0230 to go TDY to Fort Drum so yesterday evening we filled out the packet for the Infertility Clinic together. I'm sure I'll be a nervous wreck on Monday but I am actually starting to get excited. I don't expect to get answers on Monday but at least we will have a plan of action that will put us one step closer to becoming parents!
Sep 15, 2010
Dear TLC
I saw this on the "999 reasons to Laugh at Infertility" blog and loved it so much I thought I would share!
Dear TLC ...
Sep. 10, 2010
a blog by Infertile Naomi, September 10, 2010
Dear TLC,
I am a big fan of your network and enjoy many of your programs. However, as a woman experiencing infertility, I kindly request that you think about changing some of the names of your shows.
Show Title: Quint By Surprise
A story about Casey and Ethan Jones who wanted to add one more baby to their family and were thrilled with their fertility treatment resulted in quintuplets. I would understand if the couple had not done fertility treatments and — surprise — you have five babies. Now, that’s a surprise. But when you have multiple eggs, sometimes you get multiple children. Where’s the surprise?
Better Title: Surprise! Your Fertility Treatment Actually Worked this Time!
Show Title: 19 Kids and Counting
The story of the Duggar family, who can procreate at the drop of a hat and have named all their kids starting with the letter J. Please stop procreating already. While some of us can’t even seem to have one, you are already blessed with so many children. Perhaps Michelle Duggar can offer to become a surrogate for the rest of us infertile folks? She is a human fertility machine.
Better Title: 19 Kids. Please Stop Procreating
Show Title: I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant
I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant is a series that reveals the astonishing stories of women who conceive and carry their babies all the way to labor and delivery with no idea that they were ever pregnant. Meet Lilah, a 35 year old woman who thought she had gained 30 pounds from too many donuts. Meet Cheryl, a 20 year old, who went to the hospital for a stomach ache and came home with twins. And, 29-year-old April thinks she has food poisoning, but it turns out it wasn’t bad barbecue, it was a baby.
Better Title: I Didn’t Know I Could Be This Dumb
Here are some of my other suggestions for future, more realistic, TLC programming …
Show Title: Why Didn’t IVF Work on the First Attempt?
A story of women who spend thousands of dollars on in vitro fertilization, but the sperm and egg refused to fertilize.
Show Title: I Am a Fertility Drug Addict
The story of five women getting high on Clomid and fertility injections.
Show Title: I Haven’t Ovulated Since 1980
The story of women dealing with PCOS who haven’t seen their menstrual cycles since the TV show Family Ties went off the air.
And although I do enjoy all your pregnancy and baby-themed programming, I suggest that you think about putting an additional infertility warning before the show. Instead of “This program may contain material unsuitable for children,” change to “This program may cause tears and heartache for any couples dealing with infertility.”
Just a thought.
Thank you for taking some of my suggestions into consideration.
Sincerely,
Infertile Naomi
Blogger of ‘999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility
She did actually submit this to TLC!
Hi My Lovely Readers,
Yes. I did send it to TLC and they responded saying they are passing it along to someone else. I have also been in email contact with Ethan (the dad from Quints by Surprise) who agreed that the name of the show wasn't his choice. They actually seem like a great family so I will probably watch the show :)
-Naomi xoxo
Love it. :) In other news, I just got off the phone with the infertility clinic and they said it's okay if Mike can't come with me to the appointment--mostly because their next available appointment is in NOVEMBER. It helps that he's already done the s/a and seen the urologist so now the focus will be turned to me. I'll have a visit with the dildo cam, we'll go over fertility history, and we'll come up with a game plan. I'm filled with mixed emotions. Anticipation...It's not like I'm going to walk out of the IF clinic and immediately have a baby bump. Anxiety...no one likes talking about their sexual history. Fear...what if I get bad news? Sadness...I never wanted to have to go to an IF clinic. Excitement...hopefully we're getting closer to holding a baby in our arms!
That's all for now. Mike's leaving for Fort Drum tomorrow and I've got a bunch of sewing to do today! Happy Hump Day everyone!
Sep 14, 2010
Hating the Army Right Now
Mike's leaving to go TDY to Fort Drum on Thursday. He will not be here for our RE appointment on Monday and I feel like a stupid girl because I started crying about it. I said to him, "Well, you don't really need to go anyway because we know there's nothing wrong with you." He feels horrible that he can't go for support.
I never thought I'd have to step foot into an infertility clinic and now I have to do it alone.
I never thought I'd have to step foot into an infertility clinic and now I have to do it alone.
Sep 9, 2010
Here Come the Irish!
Last weekend we went up to Rick and Colleen's (my sister-in-law's parents') house on Lake Cavanaugh--about 1.5 hours north of Seattle. We went there in July and it is so pretty up there! The weather wasn't nearly as nice this time so we spent a lot of time indoors. Saturday we watched the Notre Dame vs Purdue game. I have to say--it was pretty freaking awesome to watch the Irish on a big ass screen while sitting in first class airplane seats!
After the game we went outside for some volleyball. Shawn, Rick, and I against everyone else.
It was a fun weekend away from real life and Mike was able to enjoy himself a lot more this time--he even played a little badminton. Zero and Bailey had a blast chasing the chipmunks and squirrels and were exhausted at the end of every day. It was great to escape for a few days. This weekend we will probably take it easy since Mike's had a rough week at work--downed aircraft phone calls at 0100 are never fun. It's also the ND vs Michigan game and you know what that means!!! MUCK FICHIGAN!!!
 |
| Watching the Irish in the theater room |
After the game we went outside for some volleyball. Shawn, Rick, and I against everyone else.
 |
| Look, Mom! Megan's still got ups! |
It was a fun weekend away from real life and Mike was able to enjoy himself a lot more this time--he even played a little badminton. Zero and Bailey had a blast chasing the chipmunks and squirrels and were exhausted at the end of every day. It was great to escape for a few days. This weekend we will probably take it easy since Mike's had a rough week at work--downed aircraft phone calls at 0100 are never fun. It's also the ND vs Michigan game and you know what that means!!! MUCK FICHIGAN!!!
Sep 3, 2010
Terrified.
For months and months all I've wanted to do was see a doctor who would listen to our concerns about why I am not getting pregnant. Now, as I watch my ticker get closer and closer to the date of our first RE appointment I feel myself getting anxious and down right terrified. What if we don't get good news? What if we find out that I'll never be a mom? What if we find out that the only way we can have a child is through IVF...and we'll never be able to afford it? What if they tell us that we're young and we shouldn't worry?
I feel like everyone around me has kids or is pregnant or is trying to get pregnant. My brother and SIL in Seattle are TTC and I'm just waiting for the visit where we find out she's expecting. After I hug and congratulate them I know I will be excusing myself to go into the bathroom for a good cry. They don't know what is going on with us. When another member of the family was getting ready to give birth we all received an email about our SIL being % effaced and % dilated. Shawn commented that it was more than he ever wanted to know about his SIL so I can't imagine he wants to know about his baby sister's ovaries, my transvaginal ultrasounds and Mike's semen analyses. Ha.
I need to relax. I need to not be so consumed by what I don't have that I miss out on what I do have. It's so hard.
Mike and I are heading up to Lake Cavanaugh this weekend with Shawn and Shannon (my brother and SIL) so hopefully it will help get my mind of things. Family, friends, kickoff for Notre Dame, Oktoberfest Beer, a few Strongbow, yummy Vegan cooking (compliments of my SIL) and a beautiful lake house in the mountains. Sounds like an awesome weekend, right? Let's hope so. It's supposed to rain this weekend but hopefully we'll see the sun and Zero can go swimming! I hope all of you have a wonderful Labor Day Weekend as well!
I feel like everyone around me has kids or is pregnant or is trying to get pregnant. My brother and SIL in Seattle are TTC and I'm just waiting for the visit where we find out she's expecting. After I hug and congratulate them I know I will be excusing myself to go into the bathroom for a good cry. They don't know what is going on with us. When another member of the family was getting ready to give birth we all received an email about our SIL being % effaced and % dilated. Shawn commented that it was more than he ever wanted to know about his SIL so I can't imagine he wants to know about his baby sister's ovaries, my transvaginal ultrasounds and Mike's semen analyses. Ha.
I need to relax. I need to not be so consumed by what I don't have that I miss out on what I do have. It's so hard.
Mike and I are heading up to Lake Cavanaugh this weekend with Shawn and Shannon (my brother and SIL) so hopefully it will help get my mind of things. Family, friends, kickoff for Notre Dame, Oktoberfest Beer, a few Strongbow, yummy Vegan cooking (compliments of my SIL) and a beautiful lake house in the mountains. Sounds like an awesome weekend, right? Let's hope so. It's supposed to rain this weekend but hopefully we'll see the sun and Zero can go swimming! I hope all of you have a wonderful Labor Day Weekend as well!
Sep 2, 2010
Urology
Mike and I are beginning to feel like we should just move into MAMC on post! We are going there for so many appointments anyway, might as well move in!
Today was Mike's urology consult. His flight surgeon, Doc Adam, was nice enough to get the ball rolling for us after the two s/a's and Mike's blood work up.
We arrived at the hospital and in good ole Army fashion--we waited. While we were waiting Mike's phone kept vibrating with texts from work--NCOIC stuff and they needed him there. Not knowing what kind of doctor appointment Mike was at one of the guys texted, "Be sure to have the doc examine your prostate." I laughed.
We sat in the treatment room for about 40 minutes before someone came in. CPT B, a urology resident (remember MAMC is a teaching hospital) who asked Mike some questions like when he started puberty, if he was exposed to any toxins at work, if he frequently used hot tubs, had we tried timed intercourse, if we used any lubricants, etc. Then he said, "Okay. Well I'm going to have to examine your genitals." I had to keep myself from yelling, "I told you so!" to Mike because he insisted that the urology "consult" was only going to consist of talking. He didn't want to listen to me even though he knows I've always got my nose in some book about infertility. He got a taste of what it's like to be a woman and have to endure the GYN exams.
So Mike drops his pants and the doctor examines him. Then the doctor says, "Okay, I'm going to do a rectal exam now." Without hesitation Mike responded, "FUCK ME! Oh, sorry sir." It was all I could do to keep from laughing. Mike apologized to him again for freaking out but CPT B assured him it happened all the time.
CPT B left the room and said he'd be back with LTC B, the head of the urology department and the IF specialist, in just a few minutes. We waited another half an hour but at least we had something to talk about. Mike's first comment? "I deserve ice cream now. I feel so violated."
LTC B came in the room and asked us how long we had been TTC. We told her 19 months and explained the timing because of the deployment. I told her that I chart my BBT and also use OPKs and then she examined Mike. She found no varicocele or anything else in the physical exam that was cause for concern, which was great news. She also went over everything from the semen analyses and blood work.
12 July S/A
Volume 3.0
Count: 53 million
Motility: 43%
Morphology: 47%
12 Aug S/A
Volume: 2.5
Count: 89 million
Motility: 40%
Morphology: 69%
FSH and LH results were completely normal so there was no need to test his testosterone levels.
She said that even the motillity is a little low it is nothing to be overly concerned about and that based on the results there is no reason we shouldn't conceive. It was really nice that she went over everything with us, including treatments that we may consider in the future, but then it went downhill. She told us that we're young, that we shouldn't stress or feel pressure to have a family, and that we should try for another year. Another year? He could be getting ready to deploy again by then! All I can say is thank GOD we already have an appointment with the RE on the 20th and didn't have to get a referral from HER! She told us "good luck and when it happens we want pictures! Of the baby, I mean." She was a very cool and laid back doctor and I really liked her up until the point she told us we were young and shouldn't worry. Though I guess she was advising us based on Mike's test results. After all, she's not my doctor and knows nothing about my cycles or girly bits.
On our way out of the office Mike said, "Do you have everything? I feel like we left something. Oh I did. My butthole virginity." Haha.
I am a very analytical person and I thought we were going to march into this appointment found out that X was wrong and we need to do Y and Z to fix it. I'm happy that there is nothing wrong with Mike and we are not dealing with MFI but now I feel like our IF is all my fault...and we still don't know what is wrong. :(
Today was Mike's urology consult. His flight surgeon, Doc Adam, was nice enough to get the ball rolling for us after the two s/a's and Mike's blood work up.
We arrived at the hospital and in good ole Army fashion--we waited. While we were waiting Mike's phone kept vibrating with texts from work--NCOIC stuff and they needed him there. Not knowing what kind of doctor appointment Mike was at one of the guys texted, "Be sure to have the doc examine your prostate." I laughed.
We sat in the treatment room for about 40 minutes before someone came in. CPT B, a urology resident (remember MAMC is a teaching hospital) who asked Mike some questions like when he started puberty, if he was exposed to any toxins at work, if he frequently used hot tubs, had we tried timed intercourse, if we used any lubricants, etc. Then he said, "Okay. Well I'm going to have to examine your genitals." I had to keep myself from yelling, "I told you so!" to Mike because he insisted that the urology "consult" was only going to consist of talking. He didn't want to listen to me even though he knows I've always got my nose in some book about infertility. He got a taste of what it's like to be a woman and have to endure the GYN exams.
So Mike drops his pants and the doctor examines him. Then the doctor says, "Okay, I'm going to do a rectal exam now." Without hesitation Mike responded, "FUCK ME! Oh, sorry sir." It was all I could do to keep from laughing. Mike apologized to him again for freaking out but CPT B assured him it happened all the time.
CPT B left the room and said he'd be back with LTC B, the head of the urology department and the IF specialist, in just a few minutes. We waited another half an hour but at least we had something to talk about. Mike's first comment? "I deserve ice cream now. I feel so violated."
LTC B came in the room and asked us how long we had been TTC. We told her 19 months and explained the timing because of the deployment. I told her that I chart my BBT and also use OPKs and then she examined Mike. She found no varicocele or anything else in the physical exam that was cause for concern, which was great news. She also went over everything from the semen analyses and blood work.
12 July S/A
Volume 3.0
Count: 53 million
Motility: 43%
Morphology: 47%
12 Aug S/A
Volume: 2.5
Count: 89 million
Motility: 40%
Morphology: 69%
FSH and LH results were completely normal so there was no need to test his testosterone levels.
She said that even the motillity is a little low it is nothing to be overly concerned about and that based on the results there is no reason we shouldn't conceive. It was really nice that she went over everything with us, including treatments that we may consider in the future, but then it went downhill. She told us that we're young, that we shouldn't stress or feel pressure to have a family, and that we should try for another year. Another year? He could be getting ready to deploy again by then! All I can say is thank GOD we already have an appointment with the RE on the 20th and didn't have to get a referral from HER! She told us "good luck and when it happens we want pictures! Of the baby, I mean." She was a very cool and laid back doctor and I really liked her up until the point she told us we were young and shouldn't worry. Though I guess she was advising us based on Mike's test results. After all, she's not my doctor and knows nothing about my cycles or girly bits.
On our way out of the office Mike said, "Do you have everything? I feel like we left something. Oh I did. My butthole virginity." Haha.
I am a very analytical person and I thought we were going to march into this appointment found out that X was wrong and we need to do Y and Z to fix it. I'm happy that there is nothing wrong with Mike and we are not dealing with MFI but now I feel like our IF is all my fault...and we still don't know what is wrong. :(
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