Sep 29, 2011

Lucky Socks Day

MY LUCKY SOCKS
Spermination #4 is complete!  Mike's count and motility, as usual, was well above normal and totally awesome--the nurse said it was one of the highest all week. Whether that's actually true or not, I don't know, but it made him feel good so that's all that matters. The actual insemination was more painful than usual today and the nurse was unable to get the catheter all the way through my cervix. I had very intense twinges of pain and I am still cramping three hours later.  The position was still good but just not quite where the little soldiers needed to go. Great, another thing for me to analyze and worry over!

She mentioned that I had, "very healthy cervical mucous" to which Mike made a disgusted face.  We had a good laugh over that when I said, "What, that doesn't turn you on?"  When I was texting this story to my friend, my phone's auto-correct wrote "The nurse said I had very healthy cervical music."  My friend said, "Music? Hahaha. It's so awesome it's musical!"  A good sense of humor is essential to surviving infertility. My nurse loved my lucky socks today. I hope the sparkly shamrocks bring us lots of good luck! Now, we wait......


Have you SEEN this commercial? Talk about a tear jerker. I thought I even saw Mike's eyes glistening a little bit when we saw it last week....

Sep 28, 2011

IUI #4

Well, cycle #34 is in full swing and I finished the last of my Femara a few days ago.  I didn't notice the label on the bottle last time I took it.  Notice anything odd? Yeah.....I'm taking the medicine to help get me pregnant but I shouldn't take the medicine if I plan to become pregnant. Did you get that?

I had my follicle scan yesterday morning. I arrived at the clinic promptly at 0745 and they had no record of my appointment. Again. Luckily, they saw me right away and thankfully my right side is still a rock star!  Before my laparoscopy last month, we were always wondering why my left side never or rarely produced any follicles and now we know why. Thankfully I still have one good ovary and totally clear tube and "rightie" produced two follicles this month--a 15.5 and 16.5.  By the time we do our IUI they should be fully mature at 19.5 and 20.5.

The IUI...oh the IUI! It was originally scheduled for Friday at 0900 but Mike came home from work last night incredibly stressed and pissed off because Uncle Sam decided to move up his training by a week and send him away at 0dark30 on Friday morning.  Right away I called the clinic to see if we could move our appointment up a date but of course it was after hours and I had to talk to an answering service.  I left a message and thankfully the clinic called back as soon as they opened this morning---they DO have a spot for us tomorrow and we will be doing our IUI at 0900 tomorrow morning.

Because our IUI was pushed up, I had to administer the trigger shot myself and I was a nervous wreck, which is pretty funny considering the needle is teeny tiny, but I survived! I'm feeling very hopeful this cycle too. Of course there comes a point where every cycle feels like "the one" but I'm really optimistic this time around. Maybe it's because we finally have answers and most of the endo is gone. Combine that with the recent HSG and two follicles and I'd say our chances are pretty good this month! While the idea of twins would scare most people, I can honestly say that it I would be extremely excited and thrilled! If this cycle works, I would be due in June. See how optimistic I'm being? I never let myself think this way! What lucky socks should I wear???

I'm flying out to Ohio in one week to help care for my nieces while my sister and brother in law are in the hospital for the arrival of baby girl #3. I'm super excited and can't wait to see how the girls have changed since I saw them in England and I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to holding my newest niece in my arms! I've never held a brand new baby. I know it's going to be a struggle emotionally but I just know it will be wonderful.

I'm glad I will be in Ohio during my 2WW and hopefully it will help it go quickly. I'll try to post while I'm away but I'm sure those little girls will be keeping me extremely busy!

Sep 20, 2011

Lucky #34?

AF finally arrived late last night, with very little spotting beforehand--a good sign of things to come?   I was hoping my severe menstrual pain would have disappeared with my endo removal but it hasn't. I still slept with a heating pad shoved between my legs.  =( Since we're still on the waiting list (and will be for quite awhile) for IVF on post, we're going to continue to do ovulation induction + IUI for now. We'll probably do another three cycles of IUI before calling it quits, which would make three IUIs pre-surgery/diagnosis and three post-surgery/endo removal.  My RE feels confident that I'll be able to get pregnant and we won't have to move to IVF, but I'm being cautiously optimistic. I'll start Femara tomorrow and hopefuly we'll be doing IUI by late next week! Here's to lucky #34

Sep 15, 2011

Three Weeks Post-Surgery

For the past two days, I've had NO PAIN! Woohoo. It's like something 'clicked' and the sharp pains went away. I'm not ready to go out and run a 5K by any means, but I definitely feel much better.  I wore jeans for the first time yesterday and my incision scabs finally fell off. Here are some pictures of me 3 weeks post-surgery. I'm on CD30 with no AF in sight. I've never been so anxious for my period to show up. I just want to get this next cycle started and see what's in store for us. Lucky #34? No, there's no chance I could be pregnant. My blood test before surgery was negative and I've been in too much pain to even think about sex since then.


My beautiful bruise is still healing.

Thank goodness the incisions were tiny!


I'm so ready for this weekend. This week hasn't been particularly stressful or anything but I've spent way more time on the computer e-mailing customers than actually sewing orders and making money. This weekend we're heading to a little Bavarian-themed village in the Cascades called Leavenworth.  I've been there once before, when I flew to Seattle in 2009 for my brother's wedding. Mike's never been since he was in Iraq at the time. It's so charming. Lots of yummy German food (with plenty of veggie options--I love WA!) and even more importantly, loads of good German bier! We're going with my brother and sister-in-law and it should be a really fun time.

Speaking of my brother, you might remember that I posted a few months ago that he was diagnosed with azoospermia. He had his testicular biopsy several weeks ago and finally got the results yesterday. The doctor explained to him that the reason the test results take so long is because it's basically like finding "Where's Waldo" in Manhattan. Anyway, the bottom line is that they found sperm which means my brother is capable of having children! That's the best news I've had in a long time and I'm so happy for the two of them. They are going to meet with the doctor next week to discuss their options but they'll likely be heading down the IVF road too.


I hope all of my lovely readers have a wonderful weekend. BIG CONGRATS go out to Mrs. E and Diana for their recent BFPs. I wish them both sticky babies and pregnancies full of wonderful memories.

Sep 13, 2011

Perspective.

Yesterday I realized that perspective plays a huge part in surviving infertility. Just when I was feeling sorry for myself after my followup and feeling jealous of those with IVF coverage, I got an e-mail from a lady I've been working with an auction donation for the Wounded Warrior Project, basically an internet stranger. She apologized for not writing sooner and told me she had had emergency surgery over the weekend. She thought it was appendicitis but it turned out that she had extremely large masses on her ovaries. The doctors removed both her tubes and her ovaries. She's 28 and does not have any children. Obviously she's crushed. I had no idea what to say in response but obviously she felt the need to reach out to me for some reason so I told her that I could somewhat relate, being that I recently had surgery for infertility reasons. I told her about RESOLVE and that when she's ready, she should seek out a support group or an online message board where women can relate to what she's going through, particularly since it will be difficult for her to find comfort and understanding in the ranks of extremely fertile military wives.

 I just can't imagine what she's going through. Menopause at the age of 28 with no chance of ever having any biological children. I never thought I would be so grateful to have one healthy ovary and tube. While I may never get pregnant I at least have a halfway decent shot at it, whether we need to use ART or not. It really put things into perspective for me.

Mike and I talked last night about what our plan is going to be this cycle and I think we've decided to do another IUI in conjunction with the Femara/Ovidrel as long as my follicles are on my right side.  At this point, we want to do everything possible to increase our chances. We've been trying for 32 months. We've waited long enough.  Right now I am CD 28 with no AF in sight. I'm guessing that the surgery messed with my ovulation day and that's why she's delayed since there is absolutely no chance I can be pregnant. As soon as she shows up, I'll call and get my next prescription for Femara and we'll be back in the baby business!

Sep 12, 2011

Post-op Follow Up

I had my post-surgery follow up appointment this morning. My shiny new Windows Phone makes waiting in the horrible waiting room so much less awkward. You see, the geniuses who planned the clinic set it up so the ob/gyn clinic is right next door, with the reception for both clinics in the middle of the two. So when I'm waiting for my appointments, I get to hear people on the other side of the desk booking ultrasound appointments and scheduling their prenatal care. The grass is always greener, right?

While I was waiting, a female soldier sat across from me in the waiting room. A few minutes later her husband came from the back holding a biohazard bag and exclaimed rather loudly, "Wow. That was awkward." Hahaha! I don't think he expected me to be in the waiting room. His wife handed something to him and he said, "Should I go back in the bathroom and do that?" It was all I could do to keep myself from laughing. Poor guy. I wanted to tell him that it was okay, that we'd all been there. Oh, the joys of infertility....

My follow up appointment went well. I wasn't expecting to find out anything I didn't already know since I had already seen my RE for the alien plastic two weeks ago. What I wasn't expecting was to be seen by the idiot resident who left the plastic inside me! At first I thought Dr. C. sent her in so that she could apologize to me but I was wrong. She didn't even bring it up! She checked out my incisions and made a remark about my bruising--  if only she'd seen me last week! Ouch.  When she was done checking me out she brought in Dr. C. and we discussed what our new plan of action is going to be.

If you remember my first post that I made after surgery, you will remember that the laparoscopy revealed a substantial amount of endometriosis on my left side. I was informed that my left ovary  is covered with endometriosis and is adhered to my pelvic wall at such an angle that my left fallopian tube is partially blocked. It was too risky to remove the adhesions because of their location and removing the endo from my ovary is not an option at this point, as they would likely have to take part of an otherwise healthy ovary along with the affected tissue.  As if that wasn't enough, today I found out that my left side is basically worthless and that my left tube is also partially adhered to my bowels. As much as this totally sucks, it is so incredibly refreshing to finally have some answers. EVERYTHING from our infertility, my spotting before periods, my intense menstrual cramps, my painful intercourse and the incredibly painful bowel movements during my period finally makes sense!

So, where do we go from here? Dr. C. put my mind at ease and said that my pain is normal since I'm still healing and that we won't worry about it unless I'm still in pain after six weeks. Although the majority of my endometriosis has been removed, my left side is basically unhealthy and unreliable. While I may in fact produce follicles on my left side, there's no guarantee that the eggs will go where the need to go since my tube is partially blocked. The good news is that my right side is perfectly healthy and always produces rock star follicles. Dr. C. is confident that now that our chances of conception are higher now that most of the endo is gone. Mike and I are going to continue to do ovulation induction but stick with timed intercourse for now and see where that leads us. Who knows, we may end up doing a few more IUI cycles too.

I really have a gut feeling that we're going to end up needing to do IVF to finally get our baby. I'm praying, of course, that this is not the case but I can just feel it. We're still on the waiting list for the IVF program through our military hospital and as of right now we won't be able to cycle until July of next year. They've told us that there is a good chance we could cycle in as soon as 6 to 8 months though, which would be fantastic providing we have the money saved by then. For now, we've decided to stick with the infertility clinic on post and see how the next few months go. Let's hope that we won't even have to decide between infertility clinics but instead choose between an OB or midwife!

Sep 11, 2011

9/11: Ten Years Later

Where was I when the towers fell? Look at the bottom right picture of my senior year book. I spent the day glued to the TV in the library. I remember that September 11, 2001 was the first time I heard the words "Jihad"  and "Osama Bin Laden" or of the group known as Al-Qaeda. Today, these words are household names but ten years ago most of us had no idea what they meant. The footage of the people jumping out of the windows still haunts me to this day. I can not begin to fathom their desperation. Today the History Channel is airing multiple specials on the events of 9/11 and it's kind of surreal to see something from my lifetime on THC. Surreal and terrifying.

I grew up as an Army Brat, understanding 'duty to country' more than most other kids my age but at the age of 17, in a small and rural town in Missouri, I had no idea how much 9/11 and the War on Terror would affect and shape my future.

I met Mike in the fall of 2002. He entered the Army's DEP (Delayed Entry Program) in the fall of 2003 and left for boot camp in January 2004, immediately following his graduation from college. We made the decision together because  we knew that him enlisting in the Army in this day in age meant that he'd be going to war.

It's been 10 years since that terrifying day. Since then, I've grown up and gone from Army Brat to Army Wife.  Our marriage his withstood two deployments to Iraq and thank God my husband made it home safe, but we've lost friends along the way. Friends whose names did not even make headlines because things like Paris Hilton's latest sexcapade were more "newsworthy." Their names will never be read on national television and no yearly memorials will be held for them, except by those of us who knew them and truly remember them in our hearts.

What really gets me going are the multimillion dollar settlements that were awarded to the families of the victims of 9/11. The Victim Compensation Fund was created by an Act of Congress to compensate the families in exchange for their agreement not to sue the airlines involved. The average settlement was 1.7 million dollars and the total payout was around $7 billion dollars.  Out of all of the families involved only two people, an elderly Brooklyn woman and a priest, denied compensation.  Obviously no amount of money will make up for the loss of a loved one but many families felt that the compensation they were offered was far too low.

When a service member dies, his or her family receives the death benefits from the Servicemembers' Group Life Insurance, or SGLI with a maximum payout of $400k. For many of our underpaid Armed Forces, this is the only life insurance policy they can afford. Yes, enlisting in the Army, USMC, Air Force or Coast Guard is a choice but so is putting on a Police or Firefighter's uniform. Why did Congress hold their sacrifices to a higher "value" when they were doing their duty, just the way our fighting men and women continue to do each and every day? Over 3,000 children lost a parent on 9/11 and I can't begin to even imagine how many children have lost a father or mother in the War on Terror. This is even more upsetting in light of recent events during the debt ceiling crisis when Congress threatened to not even pay our military members for their service.

The 10th Anniversary of 9/11 has received a lot of recognition and attention with tribute films, commercials and even ribbons on NFL jerseys. I will never forget the way the events of that dark day put America on her knees and I fully understand why we honor and remember all those lost each year. Here comes the controversial part: I don't understand why America has tunnel vision when it comes to the events surrounding 9/11 and what unfolded afterward.  Around 3,000 people died on September 11, 2001. While tragic, it doesn't even come close to the death tolls in Iraq and Afghanistan. It's really terrible especially because many, including myself, could argue that Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11.   I watched the reading of the names this morning and I one or two people even mentioned or remembered our Armed Forces.

Many would argue that Memorial Day is the day America has set aside to remember our fallen troops. I'm sure there are many Americans who do in fact take time out of their day to reflect and remember but it's been my observation that most lose sight of the true meaning of the holiday and focus more on things like barbeques, three day weekends and sales on major appliances.

There are no nationally recognized ceremonies, save for the small ones hosted at VFWs, cemeteries, military installations and other locations of the like. Losing a loved one is a tragedy, no matter the circumstances surrounding their death and I am not trying to diminish the loss America suffered on September 11, 2001. I am merely am only trying to point out that America has suffered many more losses since then. Losses that are lost in the headlines and barely receive recognition from the 99% of American population non serving in our Armed Forces. While people like my military friends, my husband and myself remember our fallen troops each and every day, it would be really excellent if America would also honor the sacrifices of our Armed Forces in the same way they honor the victims and heroes of September 11, 2001. To all the victims, the heroic police officers and firefighters, the search and rescue dogs, the brave passengers of Flight 93, all the unnamed who helped with the aftermath, the Navy Seal team who finally brought Bin Laden to justice and to all of all of our troops who have paid the ultimate sacrifice: I am eternally grateful for your bravery and sacrifice. Rest easy. I will never forget.



Sep 10, 2011

Boy? Girl? How About a Healthy Baby!

I recently read an article that said Chad Ochocinco and his fiance plan to do IVF after their married. What's their infertility diagnosis? There isn't one! They want to do in vitro so that they can conceive twin boys--and they actually found a doctor willing to do it for that reason! I guess money really does buy you anything.

The 35-year-old Evelyn says her reasons for wanting to do IVF have nothing to do with infertility. "You don’t have to necessarily have problems getting pregnant, sometimes people do in vitro just to make sure that they get the sex that they want to get," she says. "I don’t have any fertility issues. The doctor gave me a thorough check up and said everything was fine. But it's more to make sure that I'm guaranteed a boy."
Evelyn says IVF is the norm in Hollywood. "I highly doubt that J.Lo and Mariah Carey just had twins and that everybody's having twins out of nowhere," she says. "C'mon, everybody does that now. It's common in this world."

"We told the doctor we would love to have twin boys — or at least make sure that we have a boy," she says, "and he was like, 'Hey, no problem!'  {Laughs}


Does anyone else see an issue with this?
#1 They're not infertile. They have no real medical need for in vitro fertilization. Remember my blog about people who take away valuable appointment time from real infertile couples?  Although, I'm sure it doesn't matter with the amount of money that you most likely have to pay to be seen at their clinic.
#2 They ONLY want twin boys. Not one boy. Not a boy and a girl. Just boys.
#3 The doctor's motto must be, "Show me the money!"
#4 This lady seriously belongs on the Gender Selection boards on Baby Gaga . Fellow Bumpies understand why.

First of all, who the hell is this woman? If she was on Basketball Wives then why is she engaged to a NFL player? Secondly, she makes IVF sound like a walk in the park. Either she really is an idiot or her infertility clinic ran out of informational brochures. I'm guess it's the first one.

From what I understand, gender selection isn't all that easy either. There is a process that allows doctors to separate male and female sperm but more often a technology called PGD is used. Preimplantation genetic diagnosis is a controversial procedure that allows embryos to be tested for certain genetic disorders prior to being placed back in the uterus. This procedure also allows doctors to test the embryos' gender identity. This test is controversial because embryos that test positive for genetic disorders are not transferred, but rather destroyed. In the case of Ochocinco, embryos would not be discarded because of serious, life-threatening illnesses, but simply because of their gender. I know it's not my place to judge but this is so wrong. What ever happened to wishing for a healthy baby, regardless of gender selection?

I hate that these people are essentially able to afford countless IVF cycles and we will have to scrimp and save for months just to afford one. I leave you with these thoughts.... I effing HATE infertility and celebrities are self-righteous assholes. The end.

Sep 9, 2011

13 Years Ago Today

I became an aunt 13 years ago today. I was 14 years old and always wished I could be a "big sister." My niece, Gabrielle, is such an amazing little girl young lady. She is not your typical teenager. She's polite, incredibly smart, sweet and so much fun to be around. She inspires me to be a better person. I couldn't find any of the pictures of us from the first time we met (pre digital camera days and my photo albums are in a box somewhere upstairs) but I did find this picture. Mike and I had just started dating and he went with me to my sister's house which was a few hours away from our college. Gabrielle took a liking to him right away--she enjoyed coloring his "Walter" name tag on his Pepsi shirt and he even let her color his tattoos in with magic marker. =)


We don't get to see each other nearly as much as I'd like. Thanks to the Army, we've lived about as far apart as we could get the past several years. Her dad just retired from Active Duty and they're finally able to settle for more than a few years at a time. I get to see Gabrielle and her brother Ben in a few weeks when I go to Ohio. :)

I still can't believe she's 13. I'm far too young to be the aunt of a teenager. =)

All We Can Do is Pray.

It is amazing how scary Mother Nature is. My brother's family had to evacuate their home late last night due to the wildfires in Texas. This news story was filmed from the end of his road, just outside the gate to his community.  His house is the first one inside the gate--the fires are THAT close.  My brother, his' wife and my two nieces are staying with friends until they get the all clear to go home.  Kilynn didn't understand why her babies were in a box and why she had to leave her home. They have an absolutely beautiful home that is full of memories from all their travels around the world. How do you even choose what to pack when you're evacuated like this?  We're so helpless against Mother Nature's force. All we can do is pray.

News Story

Sep 6, 2011

Back to "Normal?"

I have the house to myself this morning for the first time since my in-laws invaded on 17 August for Mike's 30th birthday. It's been a whirl wind these past two weeks and I think life will finally get back to "normal" for us.

I'm going back to work today and I spent the morning answering e-mails and sending invoices. I now have over 90 people on my waiting list and I'm still working on order submissions from June--yikes!  Mike's taking some classes this week to be his unit's Equal Opportunity rep.  His WOCS packet is due on the 15th of September and he still has a few things to do. I'm stressing for him but you know how men are--if I even bring it up he accuses me of micromanaging and gets all pissy so I just have to keep my mouth shut.

For now, I'm enjoying having the house to myself. Luckily, I don't have too much to do since my mom kept my house pretty clean while she was here. It is supposed to be really hot here this week. Well, hot for the pacific northwest. I know all of you southerners/mid-westerners are going to hate me for talking about an 80+ degree heat wave but that is scorching hot for here, especially since most people out here don't have air conditioning. It will easily be 85 degrees in our room when we go to bed tonight.
 
I'm feeling better, but definitely not 100%. I was in a lot of pain on Sunday night after I stupidly went out in a kayak with Mike and then later played ping pong. Oxy was my friend that night.  My right side is fine, my incision is a little tender, but I'm not having any pain. My left side is a different story. I feel better each day but I still have a LOT of residual bruising coming out and it still hurts to bend or walk too fast. Perhaps this is why:

None of this burising showed up until about a week after surgery and now it seems like more and more appears each day. My left side is where he found a substantial amount of endometriosis and was able to remove most of it.  I have always bruised really easily but the amount of residual bruising after surgery has really surprised me. I can't wait until I feel myself again.  Dr. C. told Mike and I that we could start trying again as soon as I feel up to it but sex is still the last thing on my mind. Hell, I'd love to have a normal and pain-free trip to the bathroom right now! Thankfully, no other alien parts have been found anywhere. Whew.

I hope all my readers had a wonderful long weekend. For the second year in a row, Mike and I made the two hour trek north to Lake Cavanaugh to my SIL's mom's house. It's basically a camp ground with an indoor pool and theater room. Poor Mike--I married such a great guy. I still can't really carry anything (just carrying my cup of tea with my left arm still hurts) and he pitched our tent all by himself. The tent I didn't even sleep in. I had every intention of sleeping outside, snuggled in the covers with Mike and our dogs, but it didn't happen. The first hurdle was the sound of snoring coming from my brother's tent next to ours. The second hurdle was my pain and the fact that it was freezing, which made me tense up and hurt even more. All his hard work for nothing! 

We had a great weekend though. We won't talk about the way the Irish played in their first game but it was nice to sit in first class air line seats for the second year in a row and watch the game in the theater room! 
 Zero and Bailey had a lot of fun chasing the chipmunks all weekend. There was tons of good food and lot of relaxing. It was great to spend a few more days with my mom too and it's always fun to hang out with my brother and sister-in-law. This is pretty much what I did all weekend. It's beautiful there, isn't it? The lake is just on the other side of the trees. On Saturday evening a very intense water fight broke out between the little kids and the big kids, but it was mostly the big kids. The pictures I caught are hilarious!
How I Spent My Weekend

"Oh please, oh pleeease be my prisoner!"

He's just a little intense.

Boys will be boys.
Mike and I enjoying the lake

I spent a lot of time in the hammock too.

 
Me, my mom and my brother
On our drive home last night Mike asked me, "If we don't have to do IVF what would you want to....." and I responded with, "Go on another vacation!" He smiled and said, "Get out of my head, woman!" So Mike and I talked about where we'd like to go next. Whether we'd go somewhere in Europe or keep it simple and do something a little closer to home.  He and I decided that if I am able to get pregnant without IVF (fingers crossed!) that we will take a "Baby Moon" to Hawaii for a week OR a week at Walt Disney World, as long as my sister's family can go with us too. Because Disney World just wouldn't be the same without these two little princesses (and another on the way!)




I, being the crazy infertile woman that I am, have already planned Walt Disney World vacations that included my phantom baby. Character dining, parent swap, how we'd work around nap times and even what we'd have to pack in the back pack. I've always ventured on my delusions dreams by myself so it was really sweet to hear Mike talk about the future this way.  We talked about Baby Mooning to Disney World with my sister's family and how I could sit with Charlotte (ETA October 7) since I wouldn't be able to ride any big rides anyway.  Here's to hoping that these next few months will bring us luck, fertility and that we will get our family the old fashioned way. A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep. <3