Shit Crunchy Mamas Say

I can already relate to 90% of this video and I'm still pregnant. Ha!

11w3d

11w1d

How big is baby? About two inches from head to rump--the size of a key lime.
Symptoms: Still gagging/vomiting thought not nearly as much--what a relief. I have some pretty persistent headaches and I have to pee all the time.
Total weight gain/loss: 1-2 pounds
Maternity clothes? Jeans and a few shirts.
Sleep: I'm up every 2 hours (at least) to pee.
Best moment this week: Seeing the baby again and graduating from the RE!
Movement: Every now and then I feel fluttery but I'm pretty sure it's just gas.
Food cravings: Oh Lord. Didn't you read my post about Arby's Roast Beef Sandwiches?
Gender: We decided to schedule an early detection ultrasound. Hopefully we'll be finding out in about five weeks!
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In.
What I miss: Brushing my teeth without gagging and throwing up.
What I am looking forward to: Feeling the baby move.
Next Appointment: 2/16 to meet my midwife
Weekly Wisdom: Definitely don't get lazy with your water intake.
Milestones:  First external ultrasound, graduating from the RE and my intake appointment with the midwife clinic.


Today I had my intake appointment at the midwife clinic. As we were driving around looking for the medical complex I looked out the window, saw the hospital and said to Mike, "I can't believe I'm looking at the hospital where we're going to have a BABY!" It's a very funky looking building--reminds me of something from a futuristic movie or something.

I liked the vibe of the clinic, although most places will have a better vibe than a military hospital, right? The first thing I had to do was give a urine sample--no big deal, right? Yeah...I dropped the specimen cup in the toilet. That's never happened to me before and believe me, I've peed in my fair share of cups! I had to cut myself off mid-stream, fish the cup out of the toilet (EWWW!) wash my hands and go back to the front desk to ask for a replacement sterile cup. Talk about embarrassing.  The LPN who took my history was very vibrant and animated and put us right at ease. I was given the choice of four midwives and ultimately ended up going with a Yale graduate (Hellooooo smarty pants!) based on this little blurb about her, "Christina delivers care that is both personalized and holistic, taking into account a woman's physical, emotional and spiritual health, as well as her preferences for pregnancy and birth.  She is experienced in assisting women with uncomplicated pregnancies that are safe and nurturing.  All along each patient's journey into motherhood, she welcomes and supports family involvement." I have my first appointment with my midwife on the 16th of February and I'm super excited to talk to her about all my birth options.

The LPN sent us across the street to the hospital to get blood drawn but not before sending us home with a bunch of goodies:


Even the guy at the lab was super courteous and a lot more chill than the Privates who normally draw my blood on post--thank goodness! All in all, things are going great. I'm starting to feel less sick and tired, everything seems to be  progressing normally and I couldn't be happier!Now if the post housing thing would rectify itself I could stop worrying and stressing about having a place to live in a month!

Graduation!

Last night we had our 11 week ultrasound and officially graduated from the RE! It was a very bittersweet moment--words could not express our gratitude as we said our goodbyes. Our RE is also an OB/GYN so we technically could have stuck with him for prenatal care but his office is quite a drive from where we live. However, he was very supportive of the decision to go with the midwife clinic, wished us well and asked us to send him baby pictures. He's such a great guy and we will miss him!

The first thing I asked the nurse when I got there was if the ultrasound was going to be internal or external. I was so happy to find out that I could keep my pants on for this one! A HUGE milestone in the world of infertility so I made Mike take a picture. Look--no dildo cam in sight!

The baby has grown so much! (My mom attributes this growth spurt to the club sandwich I had the other day-ha!) It was really wiggling around this time and that made it difficult to get a good picture. Dr. actually commented that looking at the picture was like reading tea leaves--a Harry.Potter dork at heart? I'm going to miss him.  The baby's heart rate was 178bmp and I'm measuring four days ahead--a healthy, chubby little baby! My placenta is still over my cervix a little bit but he's confident that it will shift during my pregnancy. I have been having some pain on my left side, very similar to what I have experienced in the past and attributed to my endo. He said that my endo should be suppressed during my pregnancy but since I have adhesions, the pain that I am feeling is probably because things are shifting and pushing against my ovary that is adhered. OUCH! I hope it doesn't get too bad because it hurts! He even measured the nuchal translucency, which I wasn't expecting. Everything looked well within the normal range though and now I guess we don't have to worry about deciding whether or not to have a NT scan done. He explained that our risk of Down's is probably somewhere around 1:2000 now.

I'm so happy and relieved that everything is developing right on track. I'm finally feeling like I can start relaxing and start getting excited about this pregnancy. I'm super excited to meet with the midwife clinic on Monday and to learn more about their philosophy on child birth. I haven't had time to read all of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth so I will be borrowing most of my questions from my good friend Allie--she blogged about her natural birth plan here.  We still haven't started buying any of the big stuff but we probably will in the next several weeks, after we move on post.

Oh, the move! What a nightmare. All of you other military wives can fully appreciate the headache that is the military housing office.  We have been on the waiting list for new housing for seven months and were assured multiple times (by the same person) that we would have a house in February when our lease is up. We've already given notice to our landlord and hadn't heard anything from housing so I decided to drop an email to the housing coordinator yesterday. She acted like she had no clue we needed a house in February and told me that there are no available homes! ::headdesk:: Mike tried ringing her multiple times yesterday but she never returned his calls, even though she was clearly in her office and responding to my emails within minutes of them being sent.  The bad news is that now it looks like we're not going to get a newer home (so long  wood floors, big kitchen island and enormous laundry room) but the good news is that they DO have other homes available to us--they're just older, smaller and don't have garages. ::sigh:: We will most likely just be getting a car port, I'll have a smaller galley style kitchen and a laundry closet--BOO! The neighborhood itself is much closer to the airfield though, which is a big plus for Mike in the mornings when he's going to have to fight with traffic and because it's an older neighborhood, the trees are well established and beautiful. The newer neighborhood is closer to the freeway (noise) and there are virtually no trees around the houses since the area is only a few years old. It really, really sucks that we got screwed like this but we will try to make the best out of the situation.

Instead of this.....

We'll get something more like this:

Instead of this:

.

I will have to make do with this:

It sucks, but it is what it is. You'd think we'd be used to things not going quite as planned after dealing with the military for eight years, right? Moving on post is still the best plan for us because we spend so much on gas each month with Mike commuting nearly 40 minutes one way. Poor guy showers at the gym and naps in his car after PT because it's too far to drive home--and once I have the baby he can run home at lunch just to say hi! Another positive is that the Army is going to move us so I don't have to worry about packing anything except things like cleaning products. My mom is coming out for a couple weeks to help me clean, organize and unpack too! It will be nice to have her here! I will probably post a bump picture and my 11 week post--we have a FRG (Family Readiness Group--basically the group of spouses from Mike's unit) Bowling Party later today and I'm hoping to get a few good pictures of my growing bump. Have a great weekend, everyone!

What Baby Wants, Baby Gets

Yesterday I posted about my struggle to resume eating meat, after having been a vegetarian for almost two years--THANK you for all the responses. It's been a struggle the past two weeks because I've been waking up every night craving different meat dishes that I haven't had (or wanted) in forever. Baby has other plans for me apparently--I blame my carnivorous husband since this kid IS half his.

Around 3 pm yesterday, the craving became insatiable. I was like a caged animal just pacing around my living room. I tried eating a PB&J to see if that would help--it did nothing and was a little difficult to choke down. Then I finally just said, "Okay, baby...." and started putting on my boots. I began to think of options near my house. Subway, sure....but then that'd require me to put on real clothes and ::gasp:: a bra. Drive thru it is. Definitely not the healthiest option but since we don't have any meat in the house and I needed something quick, I headed to Jack.in.the.Box. for a Grilled Chicken Club.

The guilt started as soon as the teenager in the drive thru window handed me the bag and it continued all the way home. I had to remind myself that whether or not I ate the sandwich, the bird was already dead. When I got home I cut the sandwich in half because I wanted to start out slowly with a small amount. I think I ate half of my fries before I finally got up the courage to take the first bite--I felt like I was having a spiritual crisis. Like the world's biggest hypocrite for buying in and supporting a system that I am 100% against but then I reminded myself to listen to my body--obviously my diet as of late has not been all that great (Hellooooo food aversions!) and I am probably missing something that the pregnancy needs. If I have to eat meat for my baby then I'm going to do it.

I took the first bite and it tasted way better than I care to admit. Grilled chicken + bacon after almost two years was almost like a mouth orgasm. I'm ashamed to admit that. However, I'm happy to report that there have been no adverse side effects from eating half the sandwich. Let's see now if the craving is satisfied or if I will have to continue down this carnivorous path.

Calling All Vegetarians

I have been a vegetarian for almost two years but I'd cut a bitch for an Arby's Beef N Cheddar right now. I have been having immensely vivid dreams of food, mostly surrounding things that I would not normally eat--proving that this is definitely Mike's kid. Pulled pork sandwiches and now Arby's sandwiches. I'm going insane!

I have never been a big meat eater (I didn't have a hamburger my entire four years of HS) but I had a few weaknesses like Boneless Buffalo Wings from Buffalo Wild Wings and bacon-- I used to LOVE BLTs but I've found a good substitute in tempeh bacon (Great, now I want a freaking BLT.) It was pretty easy for me to give up meat all together, especially because I became a vegetarian for ethical reasons. To put it plainly, I do not agree with the inhumane conditions in which animals are raised on factory farms in America and the even more disturbing slaughterhouse practices. Not to mention all the unnecessary hormones and antibiotics that are pumped into the animals and are then ingested by us.

When I found out I was pregnant I was afraid that I was going to start craving meat. Some people say that cravings mean something--that it's your body's way of telling you it's missing out on key nutrients. I don't think my cravings necessarily mean that I NEED an Arby's sandwich but maybe I need to eat more protein. The problem is that up until now I got most of my protein from beans--which sound totally unappetizing right now. I don't know what I'm going to do! This kid is determined to return me to carnivore status.

I have been thinkinga bout it a lot this past week and I think am willing to give into the whims of pregnancy (as long as I don't actually think about what I'm eating)--I know that I can make conscious decisions on where I buy the meat I cook at home. I can try my hardest to get free range, hormone free, etc. However, one of my biggest fears right now is getting incredibly sick when I go to reintroduce meat into my diet. I'm sick enough as it is!  I haven't had any meat what so ever since April 2010, with the exception of a bite of bacon when we were England (since their bacon is different and I wanted to see how it tasted) as well as a bite of sausage at a brewery in England. Are any of my readers former vegetarians? Any tips for me should I decide to go forward with this transition? Help!

Wordless Wednesday

Grab your tissues.

10 weeeks

10 Weeks!

How big is baby? The size of a prune. About 1.2 inches!
Symptoms: Still gagging/dry heaving a TON and throwing up whenever I have any sort of food in my stomach. Blech.  I'm also having very, very vivid dreams. Last night I dreamed I had to hide my cats from the Nazis (WTF?) and that I was being attacked by a killer placenta--only it didn't look like a normal placenta. It looked like that thing from the Alien movies that attaches itself to your face. It was creepy. My boobs are also huge. I only have one bra left that fits halfway decently. I've also been dreaming about food--a lot. Then I wake up even more starving. I honestly think this kid is determined to return me to a carnivore because I've been dreaming about pulled pork sandwiches. Random, right?
Total weight gain/loss: None
Maternity clothes? Jeans and a few shirts.
Sleep: My back has been hurting, even with a pillow between the legs. I'm still up frequently to pee (It's only going to get worse, right?) and having trouble going back to sleep so I end up awake from 4-6 and then end up sleeping until 9 at least.
Best moment this week: A friend telling me I'm actually starting to show. I think that Mike and I also decided on God Parents though we will have to confirm our choices once we meet with our Priest on post. Another great moment that's not baby-related was booking our tickets to see family in March! I've already nominated Mike to change every one of Charlotte's diapers- he needs the practice.
Movement:   None that I can feel.
Food cravings: I did crave Thai this week and it was so good. Mango curry with tofu. Yummmm!
Gender:  Too early.
Labor Signs:  Nope.
Belly Button in or out?  In.
What I miss:  Sleeping and eating like a normal person. I hope at least the eating thing gets better soon.
What I am looking forward to: Feeling the baby move.
Next Appointment: 1/27 for another ultrasound and then I will graduate to the OB!
Weekly Wisdom:  Barf buckets are still a pregnant woman's best friend.
Milestones: The baby's tail is gone. :) No more estrogen patches! I'd probably be off the PIO too if I was able to make it to get my blood drawn yesterday but the ice storm fixed that. Hopefully I'll be off the PIO by the end of this week!



I had to reschedule my midwife appointment due to the ice storm and now we're not being seen until the 30th--I'll be almost 12 weeks and graduated from the RE at that point.  Mike and I have been discussing the NT scan a lot and we're still torn. We are both young, healthy and have no family history of anything like Down's or heart defects. As far as I can think the only risk factor we have is the fact that we did IVF, which has been linked to slightly increased rate of birth defects. We want to be prepared if there are any potential problems but I'm worried about getting bad news only to find out everything is perfectly fine (it happened to a friend) and I already know that it wouldn't change the outcome of this pregnancy. We will love our baby no matter what, we'd just like to be prepared. However, if we do get bad NT scan results I already know that I would not do an amnio due to the risk of miscarriage. I just don't know what to do! If you are a mom or an expectant mom, how did you make this decision?

Porn for Pregnant Ladies

Effing hilarious. Go here. You will thank me. Here's a little sneak peek:
(10 week post to come tomorrow, when I'm actually dressed and look semi-cute for a picture. No, I'm not naked you perverts. I'm in the same pajamas I've been wearing for two days.)

Snowmageddon 2012 aka Survival of the Fittest

Unless you live under a rock, you've probably seen the news that the Seattle area has been hammered with horrible winter weather this week.  It started with a little snow and now it's a full on ice storm. In most states this wouldn't be a huge deal but Western Washington is not at all equipped to deal with weather like this so things are pretty scary.  It was reported on the news yesterday that over 700 accidents had been reported to the WA State Patrol in a 24 hour time period. The Governor has declared a State of Emergency and police are advising us to stay indoors because of trees falling everywhere.
Mike hasn't been to work since Tuesday and we've lost power a few times--last night Mike gave me my PIO shot while holding a flash light in his mouth. Now THAT'S trust.  I didn't make it to my midwife appointment yesterday so it's rescheduled for the 30th. There are over 200,000 homes without power and our power company is estimating that somewhere around 800,000 people are without power. I'm so thankful ours came back on a few hours ago! After living in upstate NY for nearly six years I am SO over extreme winter weather. Luckily we have a gas fireplace, plenty of food and I was able to heat water on our gas stove this morning--I had oatmeal (with Golden Syrup-Yum!) and Mike had grits. I'm baking some bread right now so that I can cook French toast later for dinner. I'm supposed to drive to my RE's office an hour away tomorrow to get my blood drawn but I don't think that will be happening--they got hit with even worse weather and the snow/freezing rain is supposed to carry on through the night. I was supposed to be off the PIO shots by the end of this week too (yay!) but now I'm not sure what's going to happen since I can't get my levels checked.

Several of our neighbors have trees falling down but luckily we don't have any close to us to worry about. One of my neighbors decided it'd be a good idea to go outside and start smacking his trees with a rake to loosen up some of that ice. The mayor of Seattle was on the news advising people on the dangers of bringing bbq grills indoors.  Darwin effect, I tell you!

For any of my readers in the Seattle area, please stay safe and warm!

Bailey was really enjoying the power outage

Branches in our front yard

Driveway--we couldn't leave even if we wanted to.

The branches of the pine trees are sagging from all the weight

Ice accumulation on our bird feeder

Old Wives Tales

There is a constant "argument" in this house about what the baby's gender is going to be. Mike says boy and I say girl. Now I know these old wives tales have a 50% chance of being right but I thought I'd look into some of them to see what they say. What do you think?

Chinese Gender Chart= GIRLMayan Gender Chart= GIRL
According to legend, 140+ beats per minute indicates a girl, and below 140 a boy = GIRL
Craving ice cream every single day? Some people believe this means it's a girl. If you have to have salty or sour stuff, then it's a boy.= BOY
 If you're breaking out like crazy, blame it on your girl babe. The belief goes that girls steal their mother's beauty, hence, those annoying zits.= GIRL
Sick as a dog during the first trimester -- or still? Signs indicate you're having a girl. Little or no morning sickness points to a boy. = GIRL

What are your favorite old wives tales?

9 weeks.

Measuring 9w1d and 183bpm

 
How big is baby? The size of a green olive.
Symptoms: Oh super nose how I loathe thee. EVERYTHING makes me gag. Of course I'm not able to each much of anything so this leads to a lot of dry heaving. When I actually have food in my stomach, I'm puking. Last night was 3 times in five minutes right before bed. This morning was my first time throwing up in public--in the IHOP parking lot. YUMMY! Hearing the cat's hack up fur balls sends me over the edge too. Blech.
Total weight gain/loss: None
Maternity clothes? Jeans and a few shirts.
Sleep: I'm sleeping okay except for my 4 in the morning insomnia.
Best moment this week:Seeing the baby rocking out, wiggling its arms and legs on the ultrasound! Playing with strollers for an hour in BRU and Mike saying he liked the one with the five point harness better because it was "like a race car."
Movement:   None that I can feel.
Food cravings: Absolutely nothing.
Gender:  Too early.
Labor Signs:  Nope.
Belly Button in or out?  In.
What I miss:  Food and not dry heaving every 20 minutes.
What I am looking forward to: Seeing the baby again in a few weeks.
Next Appointment: 1/27 for another ultrasound and then I will graduate to the OB!
Weekly Wisdom:  Barf buckets are a pregnant woman's best friend.
Milestones: Seeing the baby's arms and legs wiggling on the ultrasound. He or she was rocking out because we were listening to LMFAO in the car on our way to the doctor. Already a cool kid.

The doctor did say that I have partial placenta previa but didn't seem concerned. Hopefully it moves as my pregnancy progresses.

9 weeks

Pregnant After Infertility

I'm pregnant. (Wow, that's still so weird to say!) I'm pregnant after struggling with infertility for almost four years. I feel like I don't belong anywhere anymore.  I no longer fit in with the groups of infertiles yet I don't fit in with the run-of-the-mill pregnant ladies. You know, the ones who had sex to get pregnant. It's a very precarious position and I'm constantly worried about offending someone, especially by blogging about my pregnancy which is why the posts have been so scant lately. Even though I'm finally pregnant, the pain of infertility is still there. (Just the other day my friend was telling me her sister was jealous and my heart hurt and I felt jealous. Then I stopped and reminded myself that I am also pregnant. It was just a gut reaction.) Sure, it's different because I'm finally pregnant. Perhaps the pain is lessened a bit but it's definitely still there and now that I'm pregnant I have a whole new set of worries and fears.

When you're going through infertility treatments you're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and it's the same in pregnancy after infertility.   I'm constantly having nightmares that we will never hold this baby in our arms. It's terrifying. Anyone who read any of my posts pre-pregnancy should know how incredibly grateful we are for the little one growing inside my belly and since this is my blog I do not feel it's necessary to preface everything with "I am so incredibly grateful..." This is an infertility turned pregnancy blog so it should be obvious. I've been bottling every thing up these past several weeks so I'm going to write down some thoughts as they come to me.


Confession: I have felt guilty since the day of my BFP but I'm starting to come out of that. I have to. I am not going to spend my entire pregnancy feeling guilty. I want to rejoice and celebrate but I've been gripped by fear. Mike's getting annoyed with me because he says I'm not excited enough. I know I need to snap out of it.  I want to remember everything about this time since I may not ever be pregnant again. Blogging will help me record those memories but I've felt apprehensive about it for fear of hurting those who are still struggling.  I recently realized that when I was still waiting for my BFP I 'unfollowed' many blogs once the writers got their BFP--it was sheer self preservation. As much as I don't want to lose readers, I know that I may be unfollowed too and that's okay. I totally understand. However, I deserve to be happy. I deserve a place to record my memories, whether they be good or bad, without fear of judgement. I put in my time. It's my turn now.......isn't it?

Confession: (This is one of those times where I'm not going to preface this with 'I'm so grateful but...') Nothing in the world could have prepared me for how pregnancy would make me feel. The sudden changes have been so drastic and surprising.  I'm tired and have no desire to eat anything.  The nausea has been better this week but I still have trash cans by the couch and bed. The dry heaving hits me randomly and all day long.  Smelling turns to gagging which turns to dry heaving. I suppose it's baby's way of letting me know he/she is still in there. I think about food all the time but can't actually bring myself to eat much. The other day I saw a political ad equating voting *insert your chosen party here* with eating a muffin full of glass. All I could say was, "Mmmm.....muffin." I immediately wanted a giant Banana Nut muffin. You know, one of those big (fattening!) ones from Costco. Yum.

Confession: I'm constantly having nightmares that we won't see a heart beat at our next ultrasound. Or nightmares where my baby is taken from me and I'm not able to nurse them.

Confession: My progesterone went down last week and I'm worried about what that means.

Confession: I am planning a natural birth. The pain absolutely scares the crap out of me but I believe it's what's best for me and my baby. Obviously I will use medical intervention if necessary for our health and safety but I'm hoping to have a natural delivery. My intake appointment with the midwife clinic is next week! I'm still under the care of my RE until 12 weeks but we'll start seeing the midwife practice after that. Oh and just to clear something up--I've had several people question my decision to go the midwife route. They assumed that I am high risk because of what it took to get me pregnant.  Using IVF to achieve pregnancy does not mean that I am automatically high risk. I'm young, in good health and pregnant with a singleton. I'm a perfect candidate for using a midwife.

Confession: I haven't been able to start any serious baby shopping (the fear!) but I did start my cloth diaper stash. I've gotten some great deals on clearance at cottonbabies. Luckily I haven't received any judgement for CDing yet. I love getting fluffy mail!

Confession: I became an aunt when I was 14 years old. The first time I saw my sister breastfeeding my niece I thought it was the most disgusting thing ever--I was 14. I grew out of that (obviously) and now I can't wait to breast feed.  I read The.Womanly.Art.of.Breastfeeding. and oh em gee. It empowered me. I know now that the girls, small as they may be (but increasing in size every day) will be fully capable of giving my baby everything he or she needs. I can not wait for that special bond with my baby.

Confession: We are going to find out the gender of the baby but we are keeping our name choices to ourselves. We don't want anyone's opinions or judgement on our name choices. Our plan is to have a few names picked out but not to name the baby until we actually meet him or her. 


Today I am already 22% done with my pregnancy. How is that even possible?! I can't wait until tomorrow to see our baby again. Until then....

Wordless Wednesday

8 Weeks, 2 Days.

How big is baby? The size of a raspberry.
Symptoms: Nausea, vomiting, dry heaving, super nose. The nausea/dry heaving/vomiting is horrible. We went to Chipotle on Friday and all I could eat was some chips and guacamole. My delicious tacos went to waste. By the way, did you know guacamole looks exactly the same coming up as it does when you eat it? I bet you won't eat guacamole again for awhile. Neither will I.
Total weight gain/loss: None
Maternity clothes? Jeans.
Sleep: I'm sleeping okay except for my 4 in the morning insomnia.
Best moment this week: Feeling "normal" on Thursday and actually being able to vacuum for the first time since Christmas.
Movement:   It's way too early. 
Food cravings: On Thursday I was feeling pretty good and craved a foot long veggie delite from Sub.way. Other than that, NOTHING has sounded good and I'm barely eating anything right now.
Gender:  Too early.
Labor Signs:  Nope.
Belly Button in or out?  In.
What I miss:  Food.
What I am looking forward to: Seeing how much the baby has changed at the next ultrasound.
Next Appointment: 1/13 for my second ultrasound at 9 weeks.
Weekly Wisdom:  Nausea and vomiting can strike at any time. Be prepared: carry plastic bags with you EVERYWHERE.
Milestones: Is throwing up for the first time considered a milestone?