Follie Check, Surprises and Cervical Mucus, Oh My!

As you all know (and are probably sick of hearing about) Mike was due home this evening. Around 1230 I began getting ready for my ultrasound appointment and at 1300 I got a text from Mike saying, "Would you be excited if you got a text saying your h word was at the door?"  I threw down my flat iron, ran down the stairs and opened the front door to see my H standing there, in all his "I-haven't-had-a-real-shower-in-three-weeks" glory. The.best.surprise.ever. He totally had me fooled into believing that I wasn't supposed to pick him up until tonight! Even better was that he made it home just in time to go to my ultrasound appointment with me.

Today's Lucky Socks

I had my blood drawn again (#5) and then they immediately put me into the ultrasound room. After about 15 minutes of sitting there with little more than a pink plastic sheet I said to Mike, "If we were going to be waiting in here for so long I really wish they would have let me stay dressed." Mike replied, "Ah, it's not a big deal" to which my response was, "You're not the one leaking cervical mucus all over the table." Silent pause. Horrified face. He wasn't sure what to say but then busted up laughing. Damn hormones! C'mon, you know you've been there. Ah, infertility......

My doctor finally came in and we got started on the ultrasound. He has a big screen that he uses but there's also a smaller screen angled so that I can see it from where I'm lying down. Mike sat down next to me and hunched over to see the small screen but I pointed out the big screen he could look at. My RE then said, "Oh but the small screen is so much more romantic." I stifled a laugh but cracked up when the nurse said, "Dr. M. if this is your idea of romance......." Ha. Touche.

Well, the big news of the day (other than the wonderful surprise of MH coming home early!) is that it looks like we may be doing our egg retrieval on Friday!  Right now I have four follicles on my right ovary that will definitely be mature in the next few days, several smaller ones that will most likely catch up by then and even more smaller follicles that we will most likely not get any eggs out of, most of which were on my crappy left side. Right now I am to keep doing what I've been doing and check tomorrow with more blood work and an ultrasound on Wednesday. We should know by Wednesday what the definite plan is.

I'm a little nervous about the small number of potential eggs I have growing. I'm afraid of having very few eggs and then having fertilization issues. I'm afraid of not having very many viable embryos and none to freeze.  I just keep reminding myself that I need to trust in my doctor right now, he's the professional in all of this.  He knows what he's doing and if he thinks I'll be ready for an egg retrieval by Friday then I need to trust his judgment. I'm so glad Mike's finally home because he's really helping me to see the positive side of all of this. Optimism is crucial right now. 

After my appointment we went to Panera--where else would we go, right?  While we were eating I received a text from my dear friend, Allie, explaining that she was shopping for a card to send me but couldn't really find one. After all, Hallmark doesn't exactly make an embryo adorned card that says, "I hope the crazy drugs you're on make you grow lots of wonderful follicles so that they can plunge a needle through your vagina to get them and then mix them with your husband's sperm to make little embryos that then implant into your uterine lining and grow for the next 9 months." Haha. I love her.

I arrived home from my appointment to the most adorable good luck card EVER, compliments of my niece the Amazing Annabelle. Don't you love the babies on there? I'm going to put it in my purse and take it to every one of my appointments from here on out. <3

Words.

This quote perfectly describes what I'm feeling right now. I don't even want to do IUI this cycle because I feel like there's no point. I'm numb to it all but I'm scared to give up. We've waited for so long to get to this point. I can't remember the last time I prayed and I actually stopped myself from praying last night. Again, what's the point? Not that I was ever an incredibly religious person but infertility has completely shaken  stolen my faith.

I have to leave in a few hours for my follie check and already my mind is drawing a blank on what I need to say to the doctor. I know I need to advocate for myself but I'm not sure how to do it without #1 being disrespectful and burning bridges or #2 going completely hormonal and crying. I guess I need to sit down with a pen and paper and write down everything I want to say to him.

Expect another entry later tonight, revealing all the details of my appointment. Wish me luck.