Terrified.

For months and months all I've wanted to do was see a doctor who would listen to our concerns about why I am not getting pregnant. Now, as I watch my ticker get closer and closer to the date of our first RE appointment I feel myself getting anxious and down right terrified. What if we don't get good news? What if we find out that I'll never be a mom? What if we find out that the only way we can have a child is through IVF...and we'll never be able to afford it? What if they tell us that we're young and we shouldn't worry?

I feel like everyone around me has kids or is pregnant or is trying to get pregnant. My brother and SIL in Seattle are TTC and I'm just waiting for the visit where we find out she's expecting.  After I hug and congratulate them I know I will be excusing myself to go into the bathroom for a good cry.  They don't know what is going on with us. When another member of the family was getting ready to give birth we all received  an email about our SIL being  % effaced and % dilated.  Shawn commented that it was more than he ever wanted to know about his SIL so I can't imagine he wants to know about his baby sister's ovaries, my transvaginal ultrasounds and Mike's semen analyses. Ha.

I need to relax. I need to not be so consumed by what I don't have that I miss out on what I do have. It's so hard.

Mike and I are heading up to Lake Cavanaugh this weekend with Shawn and Shannon (my brother and SIL) so hopefully it will help get my mind of things. Family, friends, kickoff for Notre Dame, Oktoberfest Beer, a few Strongbow, yummy Vegan cooking (compliments of my SIL) and a beautiful lake house in the mountains. Sounds like an awesome weekend, right? Let's hope so. It's supposed to rain this weekend but hopefully we'll see the sun and Zero can go swimming! I hope all of you have a wonderful Labor Day Weekend as well!