5 Weeks.

5 Weeks

Symptoms:  Mostly fatigue--I'm tired all the time.  I'm still crampy every now and then but not nearly as much as last week. My breasts also feel really heavy and tender. Oh and hunger. It seems like I'm hungry all.the.time. People keep saying "I think there's multiples in there!" which is making me feel huge. Not quite sure how I'm supposed to take comments like that...
Total weight gain/loss: +4 pounds since the beginning of my IVF.
Maternity clothes? Still just the BeBand from Tar.get.
Sleep:  I'm finally sleeping more soundly, only getting up 3 or 4 times a night to pee. Thankfully I'm able to go to sleep right after now! Maybe the insomnia is going away?

Best moment this week: Mike seeing my t-shirt a little more stretched than usual last night and me catching him smiling at my belly. Oh and finding out that SIL's IVF worked too and she's due two days after me. Partners in crime! Lastly, (because apparently I can't choose just one best moment!) my doctor just called with Beta #2 results. "Normal" doubling time would have put me around 2000.  Mine was 4009. =)
Movement:   It's way too early. 
Food cravings:  Nothing specific. Everything tastes so.damn.good.
Gender:  Too early.
Labor Signs:  Nope.
Belly Button in or out?  In.
What I miss:  Having energy to do stuff.
What I am looking forward to: Seeing our baby(ies) heartbeat(s) at our first ultrasound on 12/30.
Next Appointment: Next Wednesday for Beta #3
Weekly Wisdom:  There is no preparing for how tired pregnancy will make you.
Milestones: I'm still riding the "Holy crap, I'm pregnant!" high.

"I think there's something there that wasn't there before...."

This week has been a rough week. On Wednesday the identities of the four pilots were announced and Mike's spent the past two days out at the crash site. The Memorial Service is scheduled for Monday at 1400. I have no idea how I'm going to make it through it but I know I need to be there to show my respects as well as to support my husband. Keep sending some good thoughts in the direction of the Pacific Northwest, I know they'd be much appreciated by everyone affected by this tragedy.

I have been thinking a lot about this blog and the direction it is going to take from here on out since This Space is no longer For Rent.   I've been blogging about infertility for so long that I'm almost at a loss as to what to write about now. I highly doubt that you all want to read about every.single.day. of my pregnancy and I know that I've probably lost a few followers due to my pregnancy and that's okay because I totally understand the need for self-preservation. I'm still at the awkward stage where I'm not sure where I belong:  I want to jump for joy, start buying baby things and leave all the infertility woes behind me. But I'm scared. I had a horrible dream about the "m" word last night and woke up completely freaked out. Then there's all the guilt that goes along with beating infertility. Don't get me wrong, I know that I still have a very long way to go before I win the war but just getting a positive pregnancy test is winning part of the battle and I know there are many women who have not made it to this point yet. Women who are still hurting. If you're one of those women I want you to know that I'm still thinking of you. I haven't forgotten your pain and I hate that you're still going through this. I wrote this post in August and I am still trying really hard not to be "that girl."