Maybe it's because I've never been pregnant but I just don't get how some women can forget the pain of infertility is as soon as the test pops up positive. I get that you're excited and happy but did you really forget how much it hurts to have ultrasound photos in your face every time you go on Facebook? Thank God for the hide feature. I actually used it today on more than one occasion because of ultrasound photos and those annoying. "Re-post if you love your daughter!" status updates. Yesterday I deleted a fellow Army wife because she posted a profile picture of herself in her half naked, 19 year-old and pregnant glory with the word, "PREGALICIOUS!" Barf. I also 'unliked' an Infertility Support page because it has been overtaken by women who are pregnant (including the moderator) or who already have kids. When the moderator asks, "What was the positive of your day?" I don't want to read "Every day with my baby."
Or how about this little gem? I get that most pregnant women are blessed by the boob fairy (Please, oh please bless me too!) but do you really need to share it with the world. It's like cheap pregnancy porn. For the record, this was not a facebook friend but a friend of a friend who did not make her profile private. Her mistake. Gag me. Seriously.
So, with blogger as my witness, I'm making a vow to never be THAT annoying pregnant girl. I will never make my ultrasound my profile picture. I will talk about more than just the human growing inside me. I will not make a Facebook pregnancy announcement before I tell any of my infertile friends first. I really hope that I can keep myself in check, to not be obnoxious and to maintain my empathy for those of my friends who are still struggling. You have my permission to kick my ass if I do anything to the contrary. Infertility is one of the hardest things I've ever had to endure and I just don't see how it's so easy for some people to forget the pain and suffering.
haha!! wow.. That boob picture is just sad.. I know what you mean though. It's hard to imagine what kind of person you will be once you are pregnant! But I took that same vow as you. I never want to be that girl who rubs it in!!
ReplyDeleteI think about this too. I can't imagine ever forgetting the stress, pain and sadness of IF. If/when I get pregnant, I don't think I'll ever be carefree enough to turn into a pregnant PW/AW on the web or IRL. Honestly, I think IF has successfully taken away any "pregalicious" tendencies I might have had...if ever. But if not, I'm with you: somebody better kick my butt back into shape!
ReplyDeleteThat is a classy picture. My husband has a friend that posted mostly naked shots of her with her son "feeding" & "getting clean". Come on, having a baby in the picture with you doesn't make it not whorish!
ReplyDeleteAs for the first paragraph, I don't think we'll ever forget (not to say some don't) but I think once you get pregnant you don't think about it as much. You aren't faced with it daily that you can't reproduce because thankfully you got a miracle. The ones who are truly affected by it, who truly suffered through it, will never forget.
When you wrote "Will I make an obnoxious, "I'm PREGNANT" announcement on the interwebs?", I thought "if I get pregnant, hell yes I will" but I'm with you. I'm not going to throw it out there with a photo of a p.stick, I'm not going to announce as soon as I get 2 lines. I'm going to tell my husband, wait for the doctor confirmation, put it out there on the sites/my blog, THEN & only then, after a few weeks will I put it on the infamous Facebook, maybe in that horrible "We're Pregnant" fashion but more likely, "after X years our dreams have come true, we're expecting". (yay yay yay) I hope I never become one of those horrible preggos. If I do, I give you permission to bitch slap me. I'd also probably make a seperation blog if/when.
I don't think we'll complain too much. If we do it'll be "oh I hate morning sickness but I love it so". "My back hurts so bad but I love it!". I think we'll be happy mild complainers. We'll be so thankful for the blessing that nothing will ever be too bad. :)
I think if anyone has the right to AW their pregnancy its those who have suffered through IF. For me I was so excited to be pregnant whith a viable pregnancy and the sight of my babies u/s was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. After waiting so long I wanted to shout it from the rooftop, but it is dangerous for a pregnant woman to climb onto a roof, so I used facebook instead. I understand being sensitive to those who are still suffering, but I feel like those who suffered are happy for a fellow IFer and they understand your celebrating and they derive a glimmer of hope from it as well.
ReplyDeleteThe experience of IF will stay with you forever and the feelings will crop up from time to time even after you have your outside baby, you will never forget. So maybe you wan't AW your pregnancy on FB but maybe you will want to post a u/s photo or a belly pic for friends and family that aren't close by to see and that is okay, just because you had to suffer through this misery doesn't mean you should have to stiffle your happiness and excitement when it is finally your turn :)
You WON'T be that person. I know first hand. I never once made a pregnancy announcement on my page, never posted any pregnancy/ultrasound pictures, etc. I am sure I posted something eventually about being tired or something, but never associated it with being pregnant..most people on my FB that I don't talk to regularly didn't even know I was pregnant until I posted that I "was the proud owner of a tiny human". And of course now I post lots of pictures of my daughter, but that is more because my husband is gone and its the easiest way for him to see a ton instead of having to send multiple emails with them!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, it never leaves you, that feeling. And contrary to people saying "oh I'd just be happy with one"....when it is hard/impossible for you to conceive, if you want more than one child, it doesn't get better. Of course I am incredibly happy and thankful for my baby, but I do want more children and I still feel kicked in the stomach by random oops pregnancy announcements and people that complain about being pregnant.
The best thing about all this? You will LOVE being pregnant! I had a rough pregnancy, was high risk, developed a heart problem, was at the Dr. ALL.THE.TIME, had to be induced because she had IUGR....but I looooooved being pregnant. I was always happy no matter how much weight I gained or how swollen I was, or how little I was able to sleep. I was NEVER one of those women wishing the pregnancy away as it got closer to the end. I cherised every little moment up until she was born. I can't wait for you to feel the same!
(I apologize right now if someone reading this had a "little" problem getting pregnant and then got pregnant on their own or with one round of clomid or something)..but I found they were the WORST ones to deal with when they got pregnant. Oh woe is me I had to go to a fertility Dr bla bla bla. I know it is hard when you are told something is wrong, no matter how easily it is fixed, but for some reason the ones that were told this and then had a "miracle" act like they are the poster child for the exception and like to tell you about how it happened for them and it will for you too *gag*.
When you do get pregnant, you will definitely have a new perspective on things, but you will also remember what it was like, so I know you will be mindful. And that makes you awesome :)
I feel weird for commenting on this since I had a different struggle, but please accept my apology if I have hurt you with my facebook. I consider the feelings of the baby loss moms that I'm friends with and the ladies struggling with IF before I post things.
ReplyDelete