Behind Enemy Lines

First, thank you for all the kind words and congratulations yesterday.  The amount of love we have received thus far has been amazingly awesome. I am so blessed.

At one point or another, every infertile woman has drawn a line in her mind between "us" and "them." The "pregnants" and the "un-pregnants."  Up until yesterday I was part of the "un-pregnants" for years and whether I liked it or not, I often considered the "pregnants" my enemies. Not because I hated them or wished bad things on them but because they were living my dream in front of me.  It was self preservation.  The Maternity/Baby Department in any store was like enemy territory, like the land of Mor.dor, only in place of orks and fire there were adorable outfits and the tiniest socks known to man kind, sitting on the shelves and taunting me. For an infertile, even walking in the vicinity of a maternity department was like walking the perimeter of a mine field.


Around 2:30 yesterday I finally got the courage to move off my bed, shower and head to the store.  Yesterday, I ventured into enemy territory, the Maternity Department at Target.  It.was.scary.  I felt like I didn't belong, like all eyes were on me and I had absolutely no business being there. However, I was on a mission, the hunt for a solution to the "my-pants-don't-fit" quandary.

My pants haven't fit since I started taking the IVF drugs and the only ones that have been comfortable have been my elastic waist pajama pants. Last Sunday, when we went to see The Muppets, I had to pull out my stretchy "fat jeans" because the normal ones weren't cooperating (I blamed the dryer.)  Even the fat jeans were becoming uncomfortable after I ate a few handfuls  half  the bag of popcorn. The hair-tie-through-the-belt-loop trick wasn't working anymore because my zipper wouldn't stay up.  had seen many discussions on the IF boards about a product at Target that helps to keep your pants up when you have to leave them unbuttoned, how they were helpful with early pregnancy bloat or even after meal of Thanksgiving proportions.  In spite of my newly pregnant status, I now felt justified in buying one of these belly bands and so I raced into the Maternity Department, grabbed what I needed and raced out. I didn't feel like I had any business being there but my mission was accomplished. Who knew that a piece of nylon/cotton blend could feel so damn heavenly? Hooray for comfort! Hooray for pants that won't fall down or squish Bunsen and Beaker! Oh, and I totally ordered a decaf White Chocolate Mocha at Star.bucks, just because I now have a real reason to need a decaf coffee.

I managed to make it out of the store with only six pregnancy tests: three FRERs and three CBE Digitals. Overkill? Perhaps.  I was so worried that I was going to wake up in the morning and it was all going to be a dream. I wanted plenty of tests to prove otherwise....and they did not fail. I got another beautiful BFP this morning, two gorgeous pink lines (twin girls!--haha). I still can't believe I'm pregnant. I hope this feeling never ends.

FRER confirmed this morning. The test line is much darker than it appears in the picture.

Just a few more memories things from yesterday that I don't want to forget:

• Getting a text from my 13 y/o niece saying she was very excited to have another cousin.
• My sister telling me that her whole body was smiling for us.
• Mike's grandma telling him that we need to be sure to put headphones on my belly so that the baby(ies) will know ALL the Disney songs in preparation for our trips to Disneyland/Disney World. She knows us well.
• Mike telling me that he couldn't stop staring at pictures of the tests and seeing his HUGE grin when he got home from work. Oh and him telling me that he couldn't concentrate at work at all yesterday.
• Toasting my pregnancy with non-alcoholic Beck's.  I love beer and will miss it dearly. I had hoped that this would be a good substitute during my pregnancy (holy crap, MY pregnancy!) but BLECH! Still, a non-alcoholic beer toast was much more "us" than a sparkling cider toast.
  
  

I'm still feeling crampy and I went to bed at 7:45 last night--I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was up at 0430 to POAS. Every twinge is terrifying but I'm trying very hard to focus on the positive and even allowed myself to 'talk pregnancy' with my sister. She has a few books to send me and I will gladly welcome them, especially since my dear, sweet husband is totally clueless when it comes to pregnancy and babies.  When my niece Charlotte was born in October, I flew out to Ohio to help my sister with everything after her c-section.  On Charlotte's second day of life, when she was still in the hospital, Mike asked me how my sister and BIL were doing and if Charlotte had slept through the night. I just laughed at him. Yesterday he told me that his family had asked him when we'd find out the gender(s) of the baby(ies) and he told them we'd know in a few weeks.  I just stared at him and asked why he thought that. He has thought we'd be able to find out when we have our first ultrasound at the end of the month. Poor, clueless man. It's not his fault though--he's never been around a pregnant woman (other than as a casual acquaintance)  or spent much time around newborns. He'd never even changed a diaper until he was left in charge of Madeline while my sister and I made a quick run to the store. I called to check on him and he informed me that Madeline woke up from her nap, needed to be changed and that he couldn't talk because he needed to get the "ingredients" together. Ha! I asked him last night if he'd read some baby books and he scowled and said no. So, I need to find "manly" pregnancy books. Perhaps something with car parts and tools on the cover....