When you're dealing with infertility something else becomes phantom: sex. Infertility robs you of a sex life. Sex for fun virtually ceases to exist. If you're not fertile what's the point, right?
"The impact of infertility (real or suspected) on your sex life can be enormous. Sex that is timed and filled with anxiety about the outcome quickly becomes mechanical and forced. What was once an intense expression of love, desire, and commitment can feel like an obligation, an expectation -- and practically coercive. As confusion and emotions run high it can be difficult to figure out exactly why you’re so sad or angry or frustrated with your partner and/or yourself." (Source)
"It's no picnic for men either. Sex on demand ("I'm ovulating, honey! Get over here!") is a turn-off and turns a choice into a constraint. How unsexy....I have never known a man to be excited - pardon the pun - to ejaculate into a cup. One of my patients spoke with disdain at being called upon to produce a "specimen" in what he called "the Boom-Boom Room."" (Source)
"Trying" to have a baby is supposed to be fun but there comes a point when it turns into work. Almost a year ago a friend of mine gave me the advice to "Just have fun with it!" Since then, both she and her sister (who got pregnant her first month of Clomid) have both had babies. Apparently having fun worked for them but if that is all it took for us then I would have my own TLC show by now.
Infertility has taken the fun out of sex. During the week of my IUI more people saw my vajajay than my own husband. Three weeks. That's the longest we've ever gone without sex (other than times where Mike was on "sabbatical" in the desert or on "vacation" in the field.) and I'm happy to report that this dry spell has ended...and I'm not even fertile! I'm sure you all wanted to know that. (Sorry, Sis.) Hopefully our trip to London will help renew our "spirits." Luckily we had a lot of practice in college with twin beds. (Again, sorry sis.)
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| Luna Simone Hotel, London |
For those of you who are dealing with infertility, what do you do to keep the spice going in the bedroom? Do you struggle with intimacy? Are you able to leave all the prescriptions, shots, diagnoses, and "advice" at the bedroom door?
This was so true for us and even after conceiving it took awhile to get back into having sex just for the FUN of it. We tried to have sex multiple times in the 2ww, that is when I was in the best mood all filled with hope and such, I would try to make the effort to initiate and wouldn't turn him down when he approached me. We put more emphasis on foreplay than the actual intercourse part and that helped make it different from the "on demeand" sex we had to have for TTC purposes.
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