May 18, 2012

27 Weeks


 How big is baby?



Symptoms: stuffy nose (especially when I wake up- yuck!) fatigue, heartburn, rib pain, headaches and a new one--ANEMIA. I've been feeling ill since I started taking the iron and am hoping that switching to a different supplement will help.
Total Weight Loss/Gain: +22. Dear Lord.
Maternity Clothes: Yup.
Sleep: I'm still sleeping pretty well, even if I am getting up at least 3-4 times to pee.
Best Moment This Week: Passing my glucose test!
 Gender: GIRL!!!!
Movement: Lots. Still waiting to feel hiccups though.
Food Cravings: I finally got my pancakes!
Labor Signs: None.
Belly Button In or Out? It's so shallow that it's barely there anymore.
What I miss: Beer and being able to move the way I want to without it hurting or squishing baby.
What I am looking forward to: Going camping at the beach next weekend for our 8 year anniversary. It's not Buckingham Palace (where we were last year) but it will still be fun.
Next Appointment: 1 June
Milestones: Registered for child birth class. Feeling BIG kicks--so hard that they made me jump!

May 16, 2012

What to Reject When You're Expecting

Thanks to Consumer Reports for publishing this excellent article on the top 10 Pregnancy Procedures to avoid unless medically necessary. 


1. A C-section with a low-risk first birth.
2. An automatic second c-section.
3. An elective early delivery.
4. Inducing labor without a medical reason.
5. Ultrasounds after 24 weeks.
6. Continuous electronic fetal monitoring.
7. Early epidurals.
8. Routinely rupturing the amniotic membranes.
9. Routine episiotomies.
10. Sending your newborn to the nursery.

Fighting the Fear

I won't lie--I'm scared of the pain that will inevitably come with natural labor and delivery. I have always combated extreme menstrual cramps and some of the procedures I had during my infertility journey were down right painful and I hope I never have to repeat.  Yes, labor will hurt. A lot. But I have been assured by many different woman that the pain experienced during child birth is so unlike anything else that I will be in a completely different mindset. Through my reading I've learned that fear can only increase the pain I experience so I have been trying to read positive natural birth stories and watch videos such as this. I'm also registered for a natural child birth class with a doula who is kind of famous amongst natural birthers in the area. I'm just waiting to receive confirmation for the dates that I selected.
Absolutely beautiful. I was cringing at first, listening to the immense amount of pain she was obviously in, but her pure joy and excitement had me in tears. THIS is the type of thing that I need to focus on. Whatever pain I may experience during birth will be overridden by sheer joy. I need to just keep reminding myself of this. The Intensity of the Pain Matches the Intensity of the Joy.



For those of you who are planning a natural birth, what are you doing to prepare?

May 15, 2012

My First Mother's Day





I know some people don't really celebrate Mother's Day until they actually have a baby in their arms but Mike and I decided to embrace the day, since in the past it held nothing but sadness and sorrow. It was so thoughtful of my sister and Mike's grandma to send me Mom-to-be Mother's Day cards!!!

First he took me to brunch....


Then we came home and he surprised me with the Jujube Diaper Bag that I've been wanting! It's gorgeous black Earth Leather with a hot pink interior, plenty of room for cloth and can be worn as a shoulder bag or messenger bag! Best of all it looks nothing like a diaper bag! Well done, Mike!




Then we went to a local beach for a couple hours just spent the afternoon together, talking about how we have limited weekends left to just the two of us and just enjoying each other.  It was a perfect day. <3









May 14, 2012

My Natural Birth Plan

My birth plan has been submitted to and discussed with my midwife. She's totally on board with everything and most things are already standard procedure in her practice, which means the on call midwife who delivers me will be too.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared about labor and delivery but Mike and I plan to attend a natural child birth preparation class next month, which will hopefully help put my fears and anxiety to rest. I'm currently reading Natural Hospital Birth and Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Natural Childbirth, which have been incredibly informative and eye opening.


Birth Plan for Megan H                                                              Estimated Due Date: 17 August 2012
Michael H, Husband                                                                   Christina M, ARNP, CNM

  • We are attempting to have a natural, un-medicated birth without medical or chemical interventions.
  • I plan on not being induced until after 42 weeks, in accordance with ACOG’s recommendations.

During labor, we would like:
  • To have minimal monitoring and limited vaginal exams.
  • To eat and drink as desired.
  • To have a saline lock instead of an IV.
  • To move around as much as possible.
During labor, we would like to avoid:
  • Artificial rupture of membranes.
  • Suggestions of chemical interventions, to include anesthetics or analgesics.
  • Any references to “things moving along”, “pain”, “hurt”, etc.
During delivery, we would like:
  • To push at my own pace (Mother-directed pushing).
  • To birth in any position, especially standing or squatting.
  • To use warm compresses, food-grade oils, and perineal support to help prevent tearing.
  • To lower the bright lights at the moment of birth.
During delivery, we would like to avoid:
  • Loud coaching or counting during pushing.
  • Pushing while lying on my back.
  • The use of vacuum or forceps.
  • An episiotomy; I prefer to tear naturally.
Following birth, we would like:
  • To delay the cord clamping as long as possible, until it stops pulsating at the least.
  • My husband to cut the cord.
  • To have baby placed on Mother’s abdomen immediately.
  • The APGAR to be tested while the baby is on my chest.
  • To delay any non-emergent newborn procedures, including the vitamin K shot, the PKU heel stick, eye prophylaxis, bathing, measuring, weighing, and foot printing until after our bonding period.
  • To bathe her ourselves.
  • To breastfeed exclusively. (No bottles, pacifiers, syringes, formula, etc.)To meet with an IBCLC or a local La Leche League Leader as soon as possible.
  • To retain my placenta for encapsulation.

Following birth, we would like to avoid:
  • Clamping or cutting the cord before the cord stops pulsating.
  • The Hepatitis B shot and eye ointment.
  • Pitocin during the birth of the placenta.
  • Wiping or rubbing off of the vernix.
Back-up Birth Plan (for a Cesarean Delivery)
Instead of a cesarean, I would like to return home or remain in the hospital for monitoring if my labor fails to progress. I do not consent to a cesarean delivery based on fears of what might happen to my baby if we don't. I only consent to a cesarean delivery if my baby is showing distress on the monitors and if there is a time-sensitive emergency. If there is time for me to wait for an operating suite, watch a consent video, or wait for my personal doctor to arrive to do the surgery, then it is not a time-sensitive emergency.  I would like to obtain a second opinion if my physician recommends a c-section.
During the prep, I would like:
  • To have my husband present.
  • To be introduced to everyone in the OR and have their roles explained.
  • To be kept informed of what is taking place.
  • I do not consent to tying down my arms unless I am unable to control them.
  • I do not consent to tranquilizers, sedatives, or amnesiac drugs.
During the procedure, I would like:
  • To have only necessary staff present
  • For the atmosphere to be as gentle and unhurried as possible.
  • To delay the cord clamping as long as possible, until it stops pulsating at the least, so that my baby gets all of its cord blood and so that my baby will not need oxygen from a different source.
  • To have the baby be immediately placed skin-to-skin with an uncut umbilical cord on my bare chest and covered with blankets for warmth, unless there is an unusual situation.
During the repair, I would like:

  • To keep the baby skin-to-skin on my chest or in my arms instead of using a warmer, even throughout suturing, recovery, etc.
  • The APGAR to be tested while the baby is on my chest.
  • To keep the vernix on my baby’s skin so that I can rub it in myself.
  • My husband to cut the cord.
  • To delay any non-emergent newborn procedures, including the vitamin K shot, the PKU heel stick, eye prophylaxis, bathing, measuring, weighing, and foot printing.
    The opportunity to breastfeed the baby immediately, even while the surgeons are finishing their work.
  • To retain my placenta for encapsulation.

In recovery, I would like:

  • To be visited by an IBCLC or a local La Leche League Leader as soon as possible.
  • To keep the baby with me at all times.
  • To delay the baby’s bath, weight, and other measurements until after our bonding period.





    And a big congratulations to Jessica, whose twins made their very early appearance last Saturday!

May 13, 2012

Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day and for the past few years this has been a day surrounded by heartache. Everywhere I turned there was a card, a box of chocolates, a 1-800-FLOWERS commercial, SOMETHING to remind me of what I didn't have, the one thing that I wanted more than anything in the world.  While I am still just an expectant mom, I've decided to embrace this holiday this year. No matter what happens form here on out, I will ALWAYS be a mom. Mike woke me up this morning by saying, "Happy Mommies Day!" and I teared up. I'm just so incredibly thankful to be where I am.

I've been thinking a lot about how far we've come in the the past year.  I wrote this last Mother's Day: 

Holidays are always hard when you're infertile.  So many holidays are centered around children, often making them unbearable for an infertile couple.  Mother's Day is a day to celebrate our own moms and all they've done for us but it is also a day to celebrate our own motherhood...or it should be.  The banners, the tearjerker cards, the commercials and even the Mother's Day sales on luggage are a painful reminder that I am not yet a mother.   We found out that our first IUI attempt failed just in time to "celebrate" Mother's Day. With each holiday that passes, I think to myself, "Next year will be different."  It never is.  This will be the third Mother's Day to pass since I started trying to become a mom. I can't wait for this Mother's Day season to be over and I feel so guilty for feeling that way.

I'm not asking for sympathy and I certainly don't want your pity. All I'm asking is that those of you who are already mothers take a moment and remember the barren women who are suffering and counting the seconds until Mother's Day is over. Remember the women who have lost their babies, the women who are being poked and probed, undergoing test after test and failed procedure after failed procedure, or miles of bureaucratic red tape waiting for their adoption match.  Please remember the women who are going to hell and back for their chance to become a mom and pray that by next Mother's Day their hearts will be healed and their arms will be wrapped around the child they fought so hard for.

Here are some tidbits from different articles that I've read this week. I found them them interesting/comforting/meaningful/perfect:

"Holidays also mark the passing of another year. "Many couples say to themselves, 'Maybe next year at this time we'll have a baby to love,' and as the holiday passes without a pregnancy or a birth, feelings of defeat flood in," said Shapiro in her book Infertility and Pregnancy Loss.
Infertility is a loss that couples share, but women mourn it differently. "It's the woman's body that sustains the pregnancy, delivers the baby, nurses the baby, and little girls are socialized from their youngest years to anticipate motherhood as an integral part of their lives."
Shapiro said it's especially difficult for would-be mothers in their 20s and 30s not to be part of the "Club" that passes around sonograms, has baby showers at work, and talks, almost constantly, it seems, about everything from Lamaze classes to toilet training"  http://www.aces.uiuc.edu/news/stories/news2309.html

"This year when the fill-in-the-blank (pastor, priest, minister, rabbi, etc.) asks all women in the congregation who are mothers to stand to be recognized, you might take a closer look at the women who remain seated. There are many among them grateful that only a few hours remain to be endured in the annual Mother’s Day season." http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/05/07/a-non-mothers-day/

"It is good and right to honor mothers. The Bible calls us to do so. Jesus does so with his own mother. We must recognize though that many infertile women find this day almost unbearable. This is not because these women are (necessarily) bitter or covetous or envious. The day is simply a reminder of unfulfilled longings, longings that are good." http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/russellmoore/remember-the-infertile-on-mothers-day.html

"Just about every woman has a child in her life, by relation or by choice, whom she loves and adores. Every boo-boo she kisses, every little hand she holds, every hug she gives is a gift to that family. And every time a PANK® (Professional Aunt No Kids) stays late so a mom can leave early to attend to a sick child, or takes on double the work when a new mom is on maternity leave, she's contributing to the national American Family Village.
These Savvy Aunties are not childless. They are childfull; they choose to love the children they know and give to children around the nation -- and around the world.
 It's time to embrace all the maternal women in a child's life this Mother's Day. It's time to open the door and welcome Auntie in." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-notkin/mothers-day-other-mothers_b_857328.html?ref=fb&src=sp

"So this Mother’s Day, look around your church. Sitting in a chair or pew is a hurting woman who wants to celebrate the day, but is struggling with the pain of infertility. If you are a mother, it is a day to celebrate and be honored. But in your time of celebration and giving thanks to God for the blessings of your children, whisper a prayer for the other women - those with empty arms because of infertility, miscarriage, abortion, and even death. They are suffering their own private pain. Don’t offer platitudes, pity, or answers. Instead, offer yourself as a source of comfort and prayer." http://blogs.cbn.com/familymatters/archive/2010/05/06/mothers-day-a-painful-reminder-of-infertility.aspx

Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all the "moms" in my own life who helped shape me and make me the woman that I am today.  Happy Mother's Day to all of the expectant moms, moms of angels, fur baby moms, adoptive moms and future moms!

I know that when I was struggling, I had a really hard time reading success stories. Sometimes they gave me hope but most of the time I was too bitter to be happy. I would be lying if I didn't notice that my blog traffic significantly died down after my BFP. It didn't surprise or upset me though. I totally understand what it's like to feel like you're the only one still waiting for your miracle. Sometimes self preservation is the only way you can survive infertility. There has recently been some talk in a few forums that I belong to about how PAIF women seem to forget what it's like to struggle since some pregnant women post ultrasound photos and talk about their pregnancies non-stop, despite having infertile friends. I truly hope that I haven't caused any of my infertile friends and loved ones more heartache, though I understand what it's like to have someone living their dream right before your eyes. Okay, I feel like I'm rambling. The point of this post is that while I am extremely happy and thankful to be expecting a miracle baby, my heart is still with all of you who are still longing and praying for your chance to be a mom, whether it be through infertility treatments, adoption or surrogacy. Please know that I am thinking of you today, for I know the heartache that you're feeling. I pray that God lifts you up and that by this time next year we will all have beautiful, healthy babies in your arms!

“Happy Mother's Day”
It comes around every year;
but when you have empty arms,
it's very hard to hear.
It's a day to celebrate a mother,
for all the trials she overcame;
and a reminder to an infertile
of her loneliness and shame.
But what really makes a mother,
Is it just conception and birth?
Or is there something more,
that shows a mother's worth?
It's putting your child first,
in everything you do;
it's sacrifice and determination,
and love and patience too.
An infertile woman makes all her plans,
around a child not yet conceived;
she loves them even though they aren't here,
more than she ever could have believed.
She appreciates and understands,
what a blessing that children are;
she works hard for just a chance,
that motherhood is not that far.
All odds are stacked against her,
and yet she still has hope;
everyday is another struggle,
finding ways to help her cope.
So even though her arms are empty,
she can still be a mother too;
So say a special “Happy Mother's Day”
for those waiting for their dreams to come true!
For all still waiting for their dreams to come true.



26 Weeks



How big is baby?

Symptoms: stuffy nose (especially when I wake up- yuck!) fatigue, stretch marks on my breasts and two new symptoms this week-- rib pain and heartburn. Fun! Oh and braxton hicks too, especially when I go on long walks.
Total Weight Loss/Gain: +22. Dear Lord.
Maternity Clothes: Yup.
Sleep: I'm still sleeping pretty well, even if I am getting up at least 3-4 times to pee.
Best Moment This Week: Feeling my first kick ABOVE my belly button. Insane.
 Gender: GIRL!!!!
Movement: Lots! I love it.
Food Cravings: I've wanted some freaking pancakes ever since I saw some on a TV show the other night.
Labor Signs: None.
Belly Button In or Out? It's so shallow that it's barely there anymore.
What I miss: Beer and the ability to get off the couch/out of bed without grunting. Haha.
What I am looking forward to: Finishing the nursery and hopefully passing my 1 hour glucose test on Friday!
Next Appointment: 1 June
Milestones: Officially in double digits!