I do not belong in Alabama. (Neither does my husband for that matter but this is my blog so it's all about me, right?) We've been here two months and the only positive thing we've discovered so far is the fact that he will not have to leave me and Hazel any time soon--and in the military that's HUGE. Not only are we in the middle of nowhere, it has been incredibly hard to meet people here.
Before I became a mom I always thought, "Just wait until I have a kid. It will be so much easier to meet people then!" Wrong. Know why? Because Moms are judgey, myself included. It's hard enough finding people you mesh with on a personal level but when you throw parenting into the mix it's a million times harder. The Mommy Wars are hell.
I went to two playgroups this week for kids under one. I was one of two people who showed up on Monday. The other woman and I chatted for a few minutes while waiting to see if anyone else showed up. It was awkward. I am not good at chit chat and never have been. I got asked if Hazel was sleeping through the night yet and a very surprised look when I said she wasn't. Why is it a surprise that my three month old, exclusively breastfed baby still eats a few times a night? I don't mind it at all. We hung out for about 15 minutes and decided to leave when no one else showed up. Playgroup fail.
Today I went to another playgroup. I was a little more hopeful about this one because the moms who said they were going were from the Crunchy Moms group here. (Only a little more hopeful because the Crunchy Moms group here kind of sucks compared to the one at our old duty station. They don't get together or chit chat. I was actually scolded for trying to post off topic things in the group when I first moved here. I wasn't trying to cause problems, I just wanted to talk to and meet up with some other like minded mamas.)
I should have known I would be uncomfortable as soon as I pulled up and saw the Gadsden Flag flying. I was the only newbie there and the other ladies talked as if I wasn't there. The hostess handed out invites to her kid's first birthday party to everyone but me. I get it--I'm the new person. She didn't have to invite me but did she really need to do that then and there to make me feel even more excluded? All their husbands are flight school students and we were talking about their choices in duty stations. I started talking about Lewis and how much I liked it there. They all agreed it would be a nice place to be stationed were it not for all those, "Obama lovers..." I kept my mouth shut. Sigh. I really hope we meet some nice people here or it's going to be an even longer two years....
That's it for now. I have a crabby baby who got two vaccines today. One of these days I'll be sure to blog about our Alternate Vaccine Schedule and why we decided to go that route.
P.S. Despite the beautiful baby in my arms, I'm afraid I will always be the bitter infertile. Hearing other women talk about their incredible fertility and the ease in which they got pregnant still makes me twitchy.
Sounds ROUGH! I hope your find some friends pronto!! I too thought having a baby would make it easier... turns out, having two infants makes it nearly impossible! Hang in there, the PNW will be waiting for your return :)
ReplyDeleteMaking friends is hard and when parenting methods don't mesh it's even worse. I fricken hate the sleeping thru the night question. My baby is almost eight months and still gets up once or twice. It's normal!! Hope things improve soon for you!
ReplyDeleteAwww, I'm sorry! Keep trying, Megan! You'll find some friends. We are mid-PCS right now (I'm typing this from a hotel in West Virginia - haha) and I am a tad nervous about starting over again. We have been doing this for over 10 years but it is our first PCS to a place where I literally don't know a soul. I have been lucky that prior to this I have had a soft place to land and lots of good friends waiting for me. We are also going to be a Navy family at an Army base. Coincidence that today is the Army-Navy game? We're going to roll into town with that rivalry fresh on peoples minds :D.
ReplyDeleteAs for the Obama comment - don't fret. I would bet my house that there were other women in the room who cringed at that remark. IME, it is the LOUD people in the military who are conservative Republicans. There is a good portion of Democrats (Obama lover or not) that are just less vocal because they percieve themselves being a huge minority. But we aren't really. It isnt' 50/50, but it isn't 90/10 either. And I probably would have sarcastically replied. I grew up in Washington, DC so I am very very comfortable with politics (and happily hang with people all over the political spectrum - including my Republican husband) so if someone was brazen enough to be that rude I would have probably said something. And likely, someone else would have pulled you aside later and high fived you.
My last piece of advice is to try to curb the mom judgement. I get that hanging with like minded people is easier. As a social butterfly I can assure you that it is possible to have meaningful friendships with women who aren't exactly like you. Maybe it is because I am very middle-of-the-road (not AP, not strict, not any real place you can pigeon hole me), but I just don't think it is interesting to sit in a group where everyone is nodding and patting each other on the back.
Keep trying. And don't worry, I'm sure you will find some friends where you least expect it. They might be super different than you or just like you. But we are all very multi-faceted and what makes us interesting isn't our parenting style or our political affiliation :).
Yeah... the south is verrrry different :) I found that out too at Fort Bragg. Took me a good 8 months plus a deployment to find some friends that were associated with the military. The only way I found my closest friend in the world, who resides down there, is from working! Ah well, you will find people, it definitely takes some time though. Always does...ha, I thought that having a kid would help too (mostly b/c I don't have them and everyone else does it seems like)! Damn those Obama haters :)
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