Life is like a mine field when you're infertile. You never know where a pregnancy announcement or ultrasound photo is going to take your breath away and knock your legs out from under you. You're infertile and your friend or relative is knocked up. Now what? My good e-friend, Allie, just wrote a blog that describes this situation wonderfully. **Thank you to my sister, Kris, for being so understanding and caring when you announced your pregnancy to me. I'm so glad you "get it." I am truly lucky to have someone like you in my life.**
Excerpts from Allie's blog entry. Read the entire thing here.
"Infertility is hard. Faith questioning, life changing, marriage shattering, friendship ruining, isolating, horrifyingly, miserably hard. With infertility you are poked and prodded from all angles... From your friends and family asking you when you're going to have babies, to your doctors spending more time looking at your genitalia than your spouse. It's expensive to the point that sometimes, some people with infertility are forced to make decisions like, "Do we put a down payment on a house... or pursue IVF?" Infertility changes your life."
"People who struggle with infertility really will and most do give anything and everything that they can to be pregnant and for a chance to be a parent. Someone who has spent $100,000 on infertility treatments and drugs does not want to hear a pregnant women sound ungrateful in any way. I don't know if this sounds bitter, but to me it's just logical... You don't go to an amputee who has lost both of his legs and start complaining about how annoying it is to walk everywhere and how nice it would be to just have a motorized vehicle to push them around do you? Of course not, it's callous and ignorant. That is the same as complaining to someone with infertility about your pregnancy."
"If we need space, don't assume that we are just selfish and jealous and bitter. We are broken hearted and self preserving. It doesn't feel good for other people to think these terrible things of you, on TOP of the infertility itself. Don't think negatively of us, or your friends if they or we need space. Try to think of your lowest moments, when you found out the worst news of your life and you sat down on the floor and cried inconsolably... Sometimes that's what pregnancy announcements feel like... and judging someone for their grief doesn't make sense. A lot of people make the mistake of taking our grief personally, but our grief has nothing to do with you or your pregnancy."
Jun 19, 2011
Going My Way
I have vowed to make handle this 2ww differently. After our last IUI was googling every.single.day. for post-IUI symptoms, agonizing over every single temperature and obsessing over all my phantom symptoms. I didn't drink, I watched my caffeine intake and I took it extremely easy.
This month I'm doing my own thing--I've had a few beers, I have not charted for two months and I have not asked Dr. Google any questions. Of course, I'm only 3dpiui so that could always change but for now I'm going to do my own thing. Worrying about the outcome of this IUI will do me no good. What happens, happens.
This month I'm doing my own thing--I've had a few beers, I have not charted for two months and I have not asked Dr. Google any questions. Of course, I'm only 3dpiui so that could always change but for now I'm going to do my own thing. Worrying about the outcome of this IUI will do me no good. What happens, happens.
Jun 16, 2011
The Deposit Has Been Made
Our second IUI was this morning. There was a new receptionist at the IF clinic and she asked me if I wanted to go back with Mike while he did his thing. We weren't the only ones in the waiting area. Talk about an awkward moment. Ha!
Mike is a rock star---even the nurse that did our IUI this morning said so! His numbers were even better than they were last time. The nurse was hilarious--she had me hold the tube of sperm and told me to talk to them....for motivation.
Pre-Wash
Concentration: 144 mil
Total Motile Sperm 258.3 mil
Post-Wash: Concentration 263mil (they want greater than 20 mil)
Total Motile Sperm: 105.2 million (they want greater than 10 mil)
Last IUI Mike had 90 mil motile sperm and we thought that was awesome. Maybe this extra 15 million will do the job! I am feeling a little crampy but nothing too terrible. Mike has a three day weekend and tomorrow night is Army Appreciation night at Safeco field so if you're watching the Mariners/Phillies game, look for us in right field!
I hope this two week wait goes by fast....Mike leaves for a course on Sunday so I'll be doing a lot of sewing next week, which should help past the time. Crossing my fingers and praying that I'll have good news for Mike when he gets home from school.
Mike is a rock star---even the nurse that did our IUI this morning said so! His numbers were even better than they were last time. The nurse was hilarious--she had me hold the tube of sperm and told me to talk to them....for motivation.
Pre-Wash
Concentration: 144 mil
Total Motile Sperm 258.3 mil
Post-Wash: Concentration 263mil (they want greater than 20 mil)
Total Motile Sperm: 105.2 million (they want greater than 10 mil)
Last IUI Mike had 90 mil motile sperm and we thought that was awesome. Maybe this extra 15 million will do the job! I am feeling a little crampy but nothing too terrible. Mike has a three day weekend and tomorrow night is Army Appreciation night at Safeco field so if you're watching the Mariners/Phillies game, look for us in right field!
I hope this two week wait goes by fast....Mike leaves for a course on Sunday so I'll be doing a lot of sewing next week, which should help past the time. Crossing my fingers and praying that I'll have good news for Mike when he gets home from school.
Jun 14, 2011
Yay for proactive doctors!
For those of you who aren't military you probably get to see the same doctor every time you go to an appointment, right? The nurses probably know you by your face and maybe the receptionist even knows you.....When I go to my appointments I always see a different nurse and most of the time I see a different doctor as well. Doctors and nurses who have to ask ME what medication I have been taking because they aren't familiar with me. Today was no different. Dr. B. walked in and asked what I was taking. because it wasn't on my chart. I explained my protocol and laid back for my date with the Dildo Cam. My uterus lining looks good and I have one ripe 19mm follicle on my right ovary. Leftie was hiding today and he had to push my belly to get my ovary to move down so he could take a look which was weird. I didn't know ovaries could be so mobile!
Dr. B was great! He sat with us and answered all our questions. He did not brush us off for being young or having unexplained infertility. I asked him if we could try something other than Clomid next month if this month doesn't work and he agreed that it was reasonable to move on to something else. We'll be moving on to Femara + IUI next month if I don't get pregnant. He also said that it was totally reasonable for us to start considering IVF, which on one hand was good to hear but on the other hand really difficult to know hear someone say that. He said that based on statistics he recommendds six IUIs before moving on. We could continue IUI after those six but our probability of sucess decreases. Right now we have a 10-15% chance of achieving pregnancy. He said a lot of unexplained couples learn the reasons for their infertility once they get to IVF and that about 30% of his IVF patients have unexplained infertility. So...we're on the IVF waiting list and have a spot for next July just in case IUI doesn't work for us. We'll need to save up $7500 by then. If we want to do IVF on our own before next July it will be about $15k. Yowsers!
I also talked to Dr. B about my brother's recent diagnosis of azoospermia and asked if there could be any co-relation between the two of us having infertility issues. He said it would be really rare but to be on the safe side he put in an order for a Cystic Fibrosis Gene Mutation test. 99% of men with CF are infertile due to a congenital defect of missing vas deferens. In women, the CF mutation can cause cause infertility issues such as thick cervical mucus and other issues as well. He also put in an order to have my thyroid levels checked. Yay for proactive doctors!
So just one follicle this month but that's okay. I'll trigger tonight (Mike will give me the shot) and we go for our IUI on Thursday at 1000. Fingers crossed.
After our appointment we applied for on-post housing. Thankfully we qualify for a 3br based on Mike's rank alone and we put our names down for the new housing. Our lease in our rental house isn't up until 1 March but the wait for new housing is 6-9 months so it should all work out. Why are we moving on post? The #1 reason is that after 14 months here we still don't have any friends. It is SO hard to meet people here. The military community is a very small percentage of the population here so we are not surrounded by a military support system where we currently live. #2 It takes Mike about 40-45 minutes to get home from work even though we only live about 13 miles from the gate. Moving will also make it easier for me to deliver orders to people who live on post. #3 Deployment rumors. If these rumors are true, I don't want to be off post all by myself with no support system when he leaves. #4 If I do ever get pregnant I will not have a 45 minute trip to the hospital when I'm in labor!
So we'll be moving in mid-February and even though we'll be sacrificing our large yard and two car garage I think it will be a good decision for us. It may also help us save up that $7500 we need to save up but hopefully won't need! =)
Dr. B was great! He sat with us and answered all our questions. He did not brush us off for being young or having unexplained infertility. I asked him if we could try something other than Clomid next month if this month doesn't work and he agreed that it was reasonable to move on to something else. We'll be moving on to Femara + IUI next month if I don't get pregnant. He also said that it was totally reasonable for us to start considering IVF, which on one hand was good to hear but on the other hand really difficult to know hear someone say that. He said that based on statistics he recommendds six IUIs before moving on. We could continue IUI after those six but our probability of sucess decreases. Right now we have a 10-15% chance of achieving pregnancy. He said a lot of unexplained couples learn the reasons for their infertility once they get to IVF and that about 30% of his IVF patients have unexplained infertility. So...we're on the IVF waiting list and have a spot for next July just in case IUI doesn't work for us. We'll need to save up $7500 by then. If we want to do IVF on our own before next July it will be about $15k. Yowsers!
I also talked to Dr. B about my brother's recent diagnosis of azoospermia and asked if there could be any co-relation between the two of us having infertility issues. He said it would be really rare but to be on the safe side he put in an order for a Cystic Fibrosis Gene Mutation test. 99% of men with CF are infertile due to a congenital defect of missing vas deferens. In women, the CF mutation can cause cause infertility issues such as thick cervical mucus and other issues as well. He also put in an order to have my thyroid levels checked. Yay for proactive doctors!
So just one follicle this month but that's okay. I'll trigger tonight (Mike will give me the shot) and we go for our IUI on Thursday at 1000. Fingers crossed.
After our appointment we applied for on-post housing. Thankfully we qualify for a 3br based on Mike's rank alone and we put our names down for the new housing. Our lease in our rental house isn't up until 1 March but the wait for new housing is 6-9 months so it should all work out. Why are we moving on post? The #1 reason is that after 14 months here we still don't have any friends. It is SO hard to meet people here. The military community is a very small percentage of the population here so we are not surrounded by a military support system where we currently live. #2 It takes Mike about 40-45 minutes to get home from work even though we only live about 13 miles from the gate. Moving will also make it easier for me to deliver orders to people who live on post. #3 Deployment rumors. If these rumors are true, I don't want to be off post all by myself with no support system when he leaves. #4 If I do ever get pregnant I will not have a 45 minute trip to the hospital when I'm in labor!
So we'll be moving in mid-February and even though we'll be sacrificing our large yard and two car garage I think it will be a good decision for us. It may also help us save up that $7500 we need to save up but hopefully won't need! =)
Jun 13, 2011
Follie Check. Cycle #29.
This is our fourth cycle of Clomid and I'll have my ultrasound tomorrow to check my follicle size. I'll only be on CD10 so I'm not sure what to expect. The nurse told me they'd send me home with the trigger shot. We'll do IUI one day later this week too.
I'm going to talk to the doctor (again) and request 7 dpo blood work (again) and pray that he doesn't say no (again.) Ridiculous, isn't it? We're also going to talk to him about moving on to other drugs if I don't get pregnant this month. Considering that 85% of women who become pregnant on Clomid get pregnant within the first 3 months, we're ready to try something else. Wish us luck for a good appointment tomorrow.
I've started blogging about our time in the North of England but still have to finish it--never fear!
I'm going to talk to the doctor (again) and request 7 dpo blood work (again) and pray that he doesn't say no (again.) Ridiculous, isn't it? We're also going to talk to him about moving on to other drugs if I don't get pregnant this month. Considering that 85% of women who become pregnant on Clomid get pregnant within the first 3 months, we're ready to try something else. Wish us luck for a good appointment tomorrow.
I've started blogging about our time in the North of England but still have to finish it--never fear!
Jun 10, 2011
Two Yanks in the U.K.: Part Three
Our final day in London Town--bittersweet! We were sad to be leaving but so excited to see our family up north the next day. We slept in a little this day and after our breakfast we walked over to Westminster Cathedral (not to be confused with the Westminster Abbey, which we saw the day before) on our way to the train station. It was a Sunday morning and we were lucky to have a look around before Mass started. We were happily surprised that there was no admission fee AND we were allowed to take pictures.
The guide was so friendly and once he heard we were American he took time to show us a few things around the interior. I guess we must have been expressing our awe in a less-than-graceful manner because he leaned in and with a laugh he said, "That's one thing about you Americans. You sure love the word awesome!" Haha. Westminster Cathedral was actually built on the foundation of an old prison or women and children. Ironic, right?
After ice cream it was time for lunch. I think we did it a little backwards--whatever. We ate a lot on this trip! :)
We had planned to head back down to Big Ben and Parliament so I could get pictures of them at sunset and at night but I could barely walk, we were exhausted and so we just went back to our hotel for a good night's rest before our journey north. Fare thee well, London Town.
The guide was so friendly and once he heard we were American he took time to show us a few things around the interior. I guess we must have been expressing our awe in a less-than-graceful manner because he leaned in and with a laugh he said, "That's one thing about you Americans. You sure love the word awesome!" Haha. Westminster Cathedral was actually built on the foundation of an old prison or women and children. Ironic, right?
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| Westminster Cathedral |
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| The remains of the last Catholic Priest executed in England. He was hung, drawn and quartered and a Spaniard paid 40 shillings for his body that was eventually brought back to England. |
After Westminster Cathedral we hopped back on the tube and headed to Covent Garden, which used to be an open air market for the monks at Westminster Abbey. Not it's full of vendors, street performers, shops, bakeries, etc.
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| Front of Victoria Station |
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| Mike on the Underground |
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| Street performer at Covent Garden |
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| These guys were fantastic! They had an entire act that we watched for about 20 minutes. |
Okay, this ice cream shop was just cool and they had the coolest flavors ever and their music selection was fantastic.
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| Natural Stimulant ice cream. Mike asked if I brought any home with me. Ha! |
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| This is what I got. I loooooove white chocolate ice cream. |
After ice cream it was time for lunch. I think we did it a little backwards--whatever. We ate a lot on this trip! :)
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| Mike made his way through the list of beers and I made mine through the ciders. |
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| My "traditional" English Sunday Lunch. Yorkshire Pudding, potatoes, vegetables and nutloaf. :) It was delicious! |
After lunch we headed to Trafalgar Square and walked around because I wanted to see the Twinings Tea Shop. It was closed because it was Sunday but I still got to peek through the windows. On our way we saw the Royal Courts of Justice--holy courthouse batman!
We headed back to the Hard Rock Cafe and were upset to find the wait over two hours. The line wasn't very long so the inside must have been awfully small. I could barely walk at this point--my feet hurt so badly! We lucked out though--we found the Hard Rock Cafe Pub right around the corner and went in there for a pizza and a few drinks. When we walked in we saw a group of guys drinking Budweiser and Mike and I immediately pegged them for military. I said to Mike, "Stupid Americans. Who comes to ENGLAND to drink BUDWEISER?" Mike talked to them a bit and we found out that they were Navy en route to the Middle East and had a few days off while their ship was being readied for the journey.
We had planned to head back down to Big Ben and Parliament so I could get pictures of them at sunset and at night but I could barely walk, we were exhausted and so we just went back to our hotel for a good night's rest before our journey north. Fare thee well, London Town.
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