I got super excited this evening when I read about a clinic in the area that is off post AND accepts Tricare. According to the lady, all I'd need to do is call Tricare directly and request a referral to go to this particular infertility clinic. She did IVF there and just had a baby last August. ::cue excitement::
I started telling Mike about this and waited for his response. He had nothing to say so I asked for his input and he said that I didn't want to hear it. He got all sorts of pissy with me! He doesn't understand why I want to switch clinics or why I am upset about my low AMH since I haven't talked to the doctor yet. I feel like I can't talk to him about anything infertility related because he doesn't like to see me all worked up or emotional. He told me that I never say anything positive and when I asked him what is positive about our situation he said, "We know a lot more now than we did when we first started." True, we do know more but we still don't have answers.
I know he and I look at things a lot differently but it is so frustrating to feel that I'm in this alone and can't talk to him about anything, that he doesn't want to hear it. Sometimes I feel like we're reading the same book but I'm pages ahead of him. He has yet to read a single book on infertility and tends to rely on me for information but never really gives any input other than to "not get worked up" or "wait to see what the doc says." Yet, I hear him telling other people about our IF journey and he tells them how frustrating it is, how much the clinic on post sucks, how it's unfair, etc. Why can't he talk to me that way? He wouldn't even admit that we had a fertility problem until he actually heard it from a doctor, despite our 20+ months of TTC. Well, I'm on Cycle 31 now and I'm still not pregnant. Would he feel the same way if he was the one with the fertility problems? I told him that we're on completely different pages. He's not speaking to me now. Oh, and I'll be going to my follicle check tomorrow alone thanks to range qualifications. Fucking brilliant.
When I found out IUI #2 didn't work, I didn't even cry. I am numb. I feel like there isn't even point to hoping anymore.
So...what do you do when you and your spouse aren't on the same page during your infertility journey?
I could have written this post -- it completely mirrors my experience. My husband and I got into a huge fight because I felt like he was leaving everything up to me. I also gave him some fertility books to read, which he didn't touch for over 4 months. It makes me feel like he thinks this is my problem to deal with, and not OUR problem. Since the big fight, he's been a little better -- he read a chapter on endometriosis (which was a little bizzare, considering I don't have that) and he actually partcipates in conversations about IF now.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with this -- I think IF is really hard on relationships. It involves all the hot buttons for couples -- money, sex, kids. But I feel like working through this stuff now can only make your relationship better for when you do eventually have kids.
I'm with you. My husband kinda ignores that we have a problem. He doesn't want to try fertility drugs because he thinks I'll have 8 babies. He wants to wait & see if we get pregnant. Nevermind the missing periods & constant crazy symptoms. Nope, it'll just happen. :(
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your husband isn't with you right now. He seems to be on a different chapter even. But he's a guy, they're good at that. HUGS!!! I hope he reads ahead quickly! :)