I'm a MOMMY!

How do I even choose where to begin? When I last left you I was having what I thought was practice labor. I watched the U.S. Women's Soccer team kick butt and win another gold medal, took a little nap and continued to experience contractions. Around 4:30 I texted Mike and asked when he was coming home. I wasn't in a lot of pain, contractions were still about 7-8 minutes apart but something inside me wanted him home with me. I was sitting on the birth ball when he arrived home with the Subway dinner I had requested. I was so hungry! I ate almost my entire foot long before I started feeling a little queasy and made myself stop eating. Around 6:00 Mike and I decided to go for another walk to see if it would help bring my contractions closer together. At this point I was having to lean on him during contractions and wanted him to be quiet. He referred to my contractions as waves and was starting to pick up on their pattern. He was reassuring me when he knew they were intensifying and was helping me through them by letting me know when it was almost over.  In between contractions I was  still very much engaged in conversation and Mike and I were talking happily about different things. Like how for the past few days I wanted to avoid the world and just stay safe and cozy in our house and about what it would be like when the baby finally came. I kept telling him that I hope all the contractions were doing something because I was worried I wouldn't be able to handle prodromal labor for days. I told him i wasn't afraid of labor, just of it going on for days. I wasnt afraid, I was ready.  Remember the last time I walked with Zero it slowed my contractions down instead of making them closer together or stronger? Not this time. I told Mike that according to the 5-1-1 rule we could probably go to the hospital but that I wanted to wait. I wasn't ready to go anywhere yet.

Around 6:45 I felt the urgent need to get back to the house as soon as possible because I was afraid my food was going to go right through me. Luckily we hadn't gone too far from the house and I made it to the bathroom just in time. I had a loose stool, felt a little sick and still wasn't convinced that this was really labor. I updated Sam, my doula extraordinaire, and she assured me that this all sounded very promising and could be early labor. *Quotes are from the birth story Sam wrote for me.*  I asked Mike if we could go walking again. This time we made it about 50 yards before I wanted to turn around and go home. I wanted to be in the privacy and security of our home and I wanted to rest. It was about 7:30 and I asked Mike if he would go buy me some Tylenol PM so I could try to get some sleep since my contractions were back to 7-8 minutes apart.  Sam said that it definitely sounded like an on again off again pattern of prelabor and that my body was gearing up for the real thing! I told her that the pain I was feeling then was psyching me out for the big ones and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle 'real' labor pains. She assured me that the longer I had the prelabor contractions the longer my body would get to adjust and the "easier" my labor would be.

 "Find yourself a mantra. something that really jumps out at you. Keep that in your mind! You and Mike have worked SO hard for this little lady--you are already stronger than you know.  You will work hard at bringing her to your arms, but it's only for a short while. Minimal!"  

8/9 7:36 pm

Around 8:00 we went upstairs to our bedroom and things become kind of blurry for me at this point.

I remember having a really hard time getting comfortable in bed. I was feeling a lot of pressure and tightness in my back and preferred the hands and knees position when a contraction came. Mike rubbed my back and my feet and tried to keep me as relaxed as possible. Everything was totally quiet. I was no longer functional enough to grab my phone to track my contractions and I was moaning to get through it. Mike kept telling me, "Good job, Megan. Let it out, let it out..."  This went on for the next few hours. As I said--a blur.  Around midnight I remember going through a particularly hard contraction and feeling a pop. I immediately said to Mike, "I think my water broke." He asked if I felt a pop and I said yes, sat up and felt a gush. I told Mike that I was ready to go to the hospital but that I wanted to take a shower and try to relax first.  When I got to the bathroom to get into the shower another contraction hit and I vomited all over myself and the floor. Mike helped get me undressed and into the shower. I told him to text Sam and tell her about the pop I felt. It was 12:30 and contractions were about 3 minutes apart.

I stayed in the shower while Mike texted Sam and called the on-call midwife. During this time I guess I decided it would be a good idea to shave my legs--what?!--because Mike came back into the bathroom while I was in the middle of a contraction and told me to drop the razor. I was moaning and leaning against the shower wall letting the hot water fall on my back. It took a lot of convincing to get me out of that shower and I vomited again before getting out.  Mike put the dogs up, grabbed the last minute items we needed and we headed to the car. I asked him to slide the passenger seat all the way forward so that I could get in the back seat on my hands and knees--there was NO way I would be able to sit in a seat. Since it was the middle of the night there was no traffic, thankfully, but it was the longest 20 minute car ride EVER. Mike was doing his best to comfort me through contractions, putting one hand on my back and coaching me through each wave, as he drove. I asked Sam to hurry and told her how much it hurt.  I was starting to get scared from the pain and my mind was doubting whether or not I could stick to my birth plan and forgo drugs.  The ER parking lot was pretty empty and thankfully we found a spot right up front. It was 1:00 when we got there and I remember about five different people asking if I wanted a wheelchair. Didn't these people know that the last thing I wanted to do was to sit down?

While Mike answered a million questions I was leaning on the counter and moaning and rocking my hips to get through the contractions. I remember wondering if I was scaring the other people in the ER waiting area. The nurse kept asking me if I felt the urge to push but I wasn't feeling that yet. They had to page labor and delivery a second time because they were taking their sweet time. I vomited a third time--thank goodness Mike had brought a grocery bag. At 1:30 a nurse from L&D finally arrived--with a wheelchair that I didn't want--at the same time that Sam arrived. I don't know how long it took us to get upstairs because I had to stop a lot to get through the contractions. It was in the hallway that I said the words, "I don't want to do this anymore." for the first time. They put us in a triage room at first and I immediately noticed there was no tub. My birth plan was a water birth. It was then that we were informed that the plumbing was being repaired and would be out until 5 am. There was no way to fill a tub and I would not be getting my water birth.

Sam grabbed a birth ball and told me to try it out to see if it helped alleviate my back pain but I wanted nothing to do with it. I went to the bed and they hooked me up to the monitors--baby's heart rate was un-reactive/flat during contractions so constant monitoring was necessary. I was convinced I wanted an epidural. I insisted that I couldn't do it anymore and Mike kept reminding me that I was doing it. At 2:30 a nurse checked me and I was already 7cm and baby was fully in position! I had been having contractions on and off all day and exhaustion was grabbing hold--I started begging Mike for an epidural. I begged him not to be mad at me. He assured me that he was not mad at me and he reminded me of all the reasons I did not want an epidural in the first place--risk of labor stalling, risk of c-section, adverse reactions, etc. I wouldn't hear it though--I wanted relief--but Mike and Sam came up with a compromise: get through five more contractions and we would re-evaluate before committing to an epidural. Contractions were 1-1.5 minutes apart. I agreed but told them that I just wanted it to be over and that I didn't want to do it anymore. Again, I begged for the epidural and Sam reminded me that I had three more contractions to go.

At 3:00 the nurse began prepping me for the epidural by placing an IV. She couldn't get it started so the anesthesiologist came in to place the line. While the line was being placed I had bright bloody discharge and Sam was convinced that I was already at least 8 or maybe even 10 centimeters and she told me that I would have my baby in my arms by 4:30. Mike and Sam were doing everything they could to keep the epidural from being placed. They reminded me how far I had come, how hard I worked and how close I was to meeting my baby. I wasn't having any of it though and I was immediately moved to a delivery room after the IV was placed.

At 3:15 the anesthesiologist came into the room and very briefly explained the benefits and risks of an epidural. I thought to myself, "I am in no state to make a major decision like this. I can't believe they're letting me make a decision like this right now."  Exactly two sentences came out of his mouth before he turned to Sam and rudely said, "When I place the epidural you need to leave the room." He was not pleased that Mike and Sam were trying to delay the epidural as long as possible. The anesthesiologist had brought in all the equipment for the epidural before any paperwork had even been signed so Sam asked the nurse to remove it all from the room.

 "Mike was doing a fantastic job helping Megan to remain centered and Megan had gotten herself into a great place, mentally and physically. Rocking seemed to be her rhythm and her urge to push had started."

I was starting to feel a lot of pressure and it was at this point that I felt myself snap out of la la land. I realized how close I was to meeting my baby girl. Our miracle. Still, it wasn't time to push yet so Sam helped me blow through contractions and resist the urge to push. My contractions were 2 minutes apart and I was getting about 4-6 minute breaks in between during my transition phase.  Mike and Sam kept encouraging me and telling me how strong I was. We were getting so close and the midwife still wasn't there.

It took a lot of convincing to allow the nurse to check me again--I knew it was going to hurt and I didn't want more pain. At 3:35 I was 8.5 cm and while my contractions had slowed quite a bit the urge to push was getting stronger and stronger. I started to feel like someone was holding a match against my vagina--the burning was so intense but in a way it was a relief from the contractions that I had been feeling just minutes before. I think it was during this time that Mike had to remove his wedding ring because I may have been crushing his hand a wee bit. Mike asked if they had a chance to review my birth plan since we had requested immediate skin-to-skin, delay cord clamping and to retain my placenta.

"Megan knew it was almost time to push and her demeanor completely changed. She was ready to get to 10 cm and push Baby H. into her arms. She was completely focused and serious, no more desire for an epidural. At 3:50, before the nurse could even get out the door, Megan said she was feeling a lot of pressure and couldn't fight against pushing. She also let out a very vocal and very different reaction to that contraction, so we all knew it was time for her to push. Megan was at 10 cm and felt baby's head very down low. "

 

At 3:55 I started to push. I pushed when I wanted to push. The lights were low and there was no one screaming at me.  I was allowing my body to do the work. There was no more resisting. I don't  know how to describe it other than it felt like the world's biggest bowel movement. I remember telling myself with each contraction, "You are one step closer to meeting your baby...You are one step closer to meeting your baby."  The midwife came in just before crowning.  I was still laying on my side and putting a lot of energy into gripping the bed with my arms so they suggested I roll onto my back, grab my legs and put the energy into bearing down instead. I can hear Sam's voice saying, "You are so strong, Megan!" when I was pushing. This let me know that all my hard work was doing something. I was extremely vocal at this point and heard Mike make a noise that sounded like a laugh and I yelled, "Don't laugh at me!" he wasn't laughing. He was already crying. I asked, "Is she coming!?" and screaming out as I felt her head emerge. The ring of fire was intense but it was such a relief to be pushing. I could feel my body working toward something and I was so focused on my little girl being in my arms very soon. In one big gush I felt her emerge from my body and I heard the midwife and nurses say, "Look down Megan! Here's your baby!"

At 0417 Hazel Evelyn was born. 

I was finally a mommy.

They placed Hazel on my belly and as I sobbed I said to her, "Happy Birthday!  We've waited so long to meet you!!!" I was in a daze--I felt as high as a kite. I didn't have my contacts in so I couldn't see her very clearly but I could hear her cry. I can not even begin to describe the relief I felt. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. I could hardly believe that after 4.5 years I was finally holding a baby of my own. I remember looking at Mike and saying, "I did it! I can't believe I did it!" He looked into my eyes and said, "I can."

I laid there in kind of a fog while we waited for her cord to stop pulsing. Mike got to do the honors of cutting it.

I felt like I was in a dream.

 

I told Mike that she smelled like vanilla.

 

I birthed my placenta without any issues and they took it away to make sure it was intact. Sam kept a close watch on it since we planned to take it home for encapsulation. 

 

The midwife started to press on my abdomen to get my uterus to contract. I was told that I was bleeding a lot and they asked if they could give me a small dose of pitocin to help stop the bleeding. I was on a total baby high at that point. They probably could have told me they were injecting anti-freeze and I wouldn't have cared. I had a 2nd degree tear that needed to be stitched up as well but all I was thinking about was the new life in my arms. 

While we were waiting to be moved into a postpartum room I told Mike how hungry I was. Thankfully we had planned ahead and packed some Clif Bars and Sam gave me some water. The sun was starting to come up.

Hazel came out with a lot of vernix on her lower body. She weighed 7 lb 12 oz and was 19.75 inches long. Her apgar score was 9/9.

I asked Sam to come to our postpartum room with us because I wanted a picture of her and Hazel.

She was such a beautiful pink color and I told Mike, "She smells pink!'

There are no words to describe how I felt after giving birth to my miracle baby after four years of infertility. Numerous painful tests, a surgery, failed procedure after failed procedure, years of heartache. All of that went away in an instant. 

Hazel was worth the wait.

Over the past few days I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my birth. I have never felt so proud of myself in my life. I was able to stick to my natural birth plan but I couldn't have done it without Samantha and Mike. Mike was absolutely amazing during the entire thing. He really was my source of comfort and support. I remember crying out to him in pain--I needed him. He did everything he could to help me stick to my birth plan. Even though I was begging for relief and for it to be over he knew knew how important a natural birth was to me and without his help I don't think I would have made it. As far as my doula Sam---neither Mike nor myself would have made it without her help and support. When the pain was at its worst she promised me that I would be having a baby in an hour and a half--and I did! During one particular bad contraction I looked at Mike and told him I wanted drugs. He said that I broke his soul with that look and he would have given in had Sam not been there to back him up. If you're even considering a natural birth--HIRE A DOULA. I will be forever grateful for Samantha's help during my labor and I like to think I've made a new lifetime friend.

I am so overcome with emotion as I look back on the pictures from that day. I feel such a strong spiritual connection with other women who have done this before me. I feel empowered. I feel strong. But...

If I had to pick one word to describe how I feel it would be

 THANKFUL. 

Thankful we found Dr. Moruzzi. Thankful our IVF worked. Thankful that we had loving and supportive friends and family who helped us through the dark times and rejoiced with us in the good. Thankful that I had an uncomplicated pregnancy and a textbook natural delivery. Thankful that Mike and Sam got me through it.
Thankful for my miracle baby. 

Even now, with all the emotions and memories of birth so fresh and raw, I would gladly do it all again tomorrow. She is so beyond what I could have ever imagined. She is my dream come true. 

Practice Labor?

After having my membranes stripped yesterday I was been having some cramps and a few slight contractions. Sometime in the middle of the night the contractions picked up in  intensity enough to wake me up at least once an hour. While I was laying in bed this morning they started to come more regularly and surprised me with how uncomfortable they were. I got out of bed and tried bouncing on my ball and the contractions kept coming, about 7-8 minutes apart.  I had some breakfast and decided to go for a walk with Zero. Do you know what happened on my walk? The effing contractions slowed down....a lot.  Tjey all but stopped and it was then that my doula told me it sounded like I was having practice labor. Dear Lord. I only pray this doesn't go on for days. I took a wee little nap and unfortunately it was during the Gold Medal Women's Soccer Match but at least I was awake for the finish! I'm still contracting and they're still requiring to breathe through them but it doesn't look like I'll be having a baby today. The bright side is that I've heard all this practice labor helps prepare my body better for the real thing and can make active labor faster. I sure hope so because I'm starting to psyche myself over whether or not I will really be able to handle the real thing.

Just Kidding!

I woke up this morning and noticed some pink tinged liquid on my pad. I didn't get too excited but then the contractions started. Again, didn't get too excited. I had a feeling it might be labor but I was leaning more toward probably not. I tried going back to bed since, you know, you're supposed to rest as much as possible during early labor. Yeah, that wasn't going to happen. After about an hour of pretty steady contractions I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom and guess what? The contractions stopped after clearing out my bowels. Lovely.  i continued to have some menstrual-like cramping though.  The on-call midwife told me that I could either come in to L&D to get checked out or I could wait until the clinic opened and see my midwife. Since the contractions had all but stopped and I was leaking minimal amounts of pink fluid I decided to wait to see my midwife. I gave my doula a heads up, Mike and I packed our last minute items in our hospital bags just in case I was admitted and we headed to the clinic.

She explained that the fluid I was seeing was just regular discharged tinged with blood from my cervix thinning--hooray for effacement! The EPO must be doing something because I was only 30% last Friday and was 60% today so something is definitely going on. We will not talk about the two pounds I managed to gain between now and then. What the fuck?  I'mgoing to say it's water retention since I'm all swollen again. Yup, that's it. My midwife also commented that baby must have dropped because I was measuring smaller. Mike commented yesterday about that and I guess he was right! I felt kind of dumb going in for something minimal but I didn't know what was going on. After a friend had a baby less than an hour after her water breaking I figured I'd better play it safe. I'm glad I went in. I'm still just 1cm but I'll take it. She stripped my membranes again and it was definitely way more uncomfortable this time than last week and I've been having some intense cramping/random contractions since then as well as more pink discharge. Hopefully our baby girl will be making an appearance before too long!!!

I have been going stir crazy just sitting at home and wondering, "Is today going to be the day?" so I decided to get out of the house today. I headed to a lavender farm with my doula and another friend and her baby and while I was having some difficult walking and bending and had a brief encounter with a snake on my foot, it was really nice to get out of the house. I picked a bundle of lavender that I'm going to dry and give to my midwife as a thank you gift--she always smells like lavender when I see her so I figured she'd like it. :) I also go some white chocolate lavender fudge that is deeeeelish! Now it's time to track the contractions that I'm having, put my feet up and rest because getting up at 0500 does not suit me.We're in single digits now, people!

Lavender bundle and white chocolate lavender fudge!

38w5d pregnant in a field of lavender

35 Weeks

Yup, I did the mommy chop. Reminiscent of my hair when Mike and I met. I'm having slight hair regret.

 How big is baby?

Symptoms: I feel like I have to pee all.the.time. now even though barely anything comes out when I go. I've also gone to the bathroom, stood up and felt pee running down my leg. Ah, fun! Still swollen, still extremely tired. I did have a bout of sickness the other night but nothing since--let's hope it stays that way. More stretch marks have appeared on my belly.  
Total Weight Loss/Gain: +38 (too many 4th of July cupcakes!)
Maternity Clothes: Yup. Though I'm still outgrowing some of them.
Sleep: I miss being able to turn over in my sleep without waking up. Sleep is becoming uncomfortable and I'm tossing and turning because laying on my side for too long hurts my hips. Getting out of bed to pee at least 4 times a night is becoming increasingly difficult too.
Best Moment This Week: Packing my hospital bags--it's starting to feel so real!
Gender: GIRL!!!!
Movement: All the time. She gets hiccups at least once a day. Baby's still head down so I'm getting lots of rib kicks.
Food Cravings: Blueberry pancakes and chocolate milkshakes
Labor Signs: Some cervical pressure and a few contractions--nothing timeable or painful though.
Belly Button In or Out? It's a slight outie now.
What I miss: Being able to walk like normal person without swelling like a hippo.
What I am looking forward to: Meeting our sweet baby girl!
Next Appointment: 27 July--at 37 weeks and full term!
Milestones: 35/35--insane!!!!!  I did my GBS swab today. Praying it comes back negative--I don't want to be hooked up to antibiotics when I'm in labor! Oh and we just booked our baby girl's first trip to Disney World! We'll only be a six hour drive after we move and we're going again with my sister's family-four little girls in tow. It's going to be awesome! I mean seriously, does it get any cuter? PLUS add two babies to the mix!

My nieces, Annabelle and Madeline, at Disney World in November 2010

What to Reject When You're Expecting

Thanks to Consumer Reports for publishing this excellent article on the top 10 Pregnancy Procedures to avoid unless medically necessary. 


1. A C-section with a low-risk first birth.
2. An automatic second c-section.
3. An elective early delivery.
4. Inducing labor without a medical reason.
5. Ultrasounds after 24 weeks.
6. Continuous electronic fetal monitoring.
7. Early epidurals.
8. Routinely rupturing the amniotic membranes.
9. Routine episiotomies.
10. Sending your newborn to the nursery.

Fighting the Fear

I won't lie--I'm scared of the pain that will inevitably come with natural labor and delivery. I have always combated extreme menstrual cramps and some of the procedures I had during my infertility journey were down right painful and I hope I never have to repeat.  Yes, labor will hurt. A lot. But I have been assured by many different woman that the pain experienced during child birth is so unlike anything else that I will be in a completely different mindset. Through my reading I've learned that fear can only increase the pain I experience so I have been trying to read positive natural birth stories and watch videos such as this. I'm also registered for a natural child birth class with a doula who is kind of famous amongst natural birthers in the area. I'm just waiting to receive confirmation for the dates that I selected.

Absolutely beautiful. I was cringing at first, listening to the immense amount of pain she was obviously in, but her pure joy and excitement had me in tears. THIS is the type of thing that I need to focus on. Whatever pain I may experience during birth will be overridden by sheer joy. I need to just keep reminding myself of this. The Intensity of the Pain Matches the Intensity of the Joy.

For those of you who are planning a natural birth, what are you doing to prepare?

My Natural Birth Plan

My birth plan has been submitted to and discussed with my midwife. She's totally on board with everything and most things are already standard procedure in her practice, which means the on call midwife who delivers me will be too.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared about labor and delivery but Mike and I plan to attend a natural child birth preparation class next month, which will hopefully help put my fears and anxiety to rest. I'm currently reading Natural Hospital Birth and Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Natural Childbirth, which have been incredibly informative and eye opening.

Birth Plan for Megan H                                                              Estimated Due Date: 17 August 2012

Michael H, Husband                                                                   Christina M, ARNP, CNM

• We are attempting to have a natural, un-medicated birth without medical or chemical interventions.
• I plan on not being induced until after 42 weeks, in accordance with ACOG’s recommendations.

During labor, we would like:

• To have minimal monitoring and limited vaginal exams.
• To eat and drink as desired.
• To have a saline lock instead of an IV.
• To move around as much as possible.

During labor, we would like to avoid:

• Artificial rupture of membranes.
• Suggestions of chemical interventions, to include anesthetics or analgesics.
• Any references to “things moving along”, “pain”, “hurt”, etc.

During delivery, we would like:

• To push at my own pace (Mother-directed pushing).
• To birth in any position, especially standing or squatting.
• To use warm compresses, food-grade oils, and perineal support to help prevent tearing.
• To lower the bright lights at the moment of birth.

During delivery, we would like to avoid:

• Loud coaching or counting during pushing.
• Pushing while lying on my back.
• The use of vacuum or forceps.
• An episiotomy; I prefer to tear naturally.

Following birth, we would like:

• To delay the cord clamping as long as possible, until it stops pulsating at the least.
• My husband to cut the cord.
• To have baby placed on Mother’s abdomen immediately.
• The APGAR to be tested while the baby is on my chest.
• To delay any non-emergent newborn procedures, including the vitamin K shot, the PKU heel stick, eye prophylaxis, bathing, measuring, weighing, and foot printing until after our bonding period.
• To bathe her ourselves.
• To breastfeed exclusively. (No bottles, pacifiers, syringes, formula, etc.)To meet with an IBCLC or a local La Leche League Leader as soon as possible.
• To retain my placenta for encapsulation.

Following birth, we would like to avoid:

• Clamping or cutting the cord before the cord stops pulsating.
• The Hepatitis B shot and eye ointment.
• Pitocin during the birth of the placenta.
• Wiping or rubbing off of the vernix.

Back-up Birth Plan (for a Cesarean Delivery)
Instead of a cesarean, I would like to return home or remain in the hospital for monitoring if my labor fails to progress. I do not consent to a cesarean delivery based on fears of what might happen to my baby if we don't. I only consent to a cesarean delivery if my baby is showing distress on the monitors and if there is a time-sensitive emergency. If there is time for me to wait for an operating suite, watch a consent video, or wait for my personal doctor to arrive to do the surgery, then it is not a time-sensitive emergency.  I would like to obtain a second opinion if my physician recommends a c-section.

During the prep, I would like:

• To have my husband present.
• To be introduced to everyone in the OR and have their roles explained.
• To be kept informed of what is taking place.
• I do not consent to tying down my arms unless I am unable to control them.
• I do not consent to tranquilizers, sedatives, or amnesiac drugs.

During the procedure, I would like:

• To have only necessary staff present
• For the atmosphere to be as gentle and unhurried as possible.
• To delay the cord clamping as long as possible, until it stops pulsating at the least, so that my baby gets all of its cord blood and so that my baby will not need oxygen from a different source.
• To have the baby be immediately placed skin-to-skin with an uncut umbilical cord on my bare chest and covered with blankets for warmth, unless there is an unusual situation.

During the repair, I would like:

• To keep the baby skin-to-skin on my chest or in my arms instead of using a warmer, even throughout suturing, recovery, etc.

• The APGAR to be tested while the baby is on my chest.
• To keep the vernix on my baby’s skin so that I can rub it in myself.
• My husband to cut the cord.
• To delay any non-emergent newborn procedures, including the vitamin K shot, the PKU heel stick, eye prophylaxis, bathing, measuring, weighing, and foot printing.
  The opportunity to breastfeed the baby immediately, even while the surgeons are finishing their work.
• To retain my placenta for encapsulation.

In recovery, I would like:

• To be visited by an IBCLC or a local La Leche League Leader as soon as possible.
• To keep the baby with me at all times.
• To delay the baby’s bath, weight, and other measurements until after our bonding period.
  
  
  
  
  
  And a big congratulations to Jessica, whose twins made their very early appearance last Saturday!

Free Stability Ball

I just wanted to share this really quick for the other mamas who are going for a natural delivery. Even if you're not, it's a good asset during pregnancy to help with pelvic pain. <3 Thank to Hip2Save for sharing this awesome deal!

http://hip2save.com/2012/04/29/sears-fitstudio-hot-free-stability-ball-12-99-value/

I Do Not Consent

I read this article a few days ago and was absolutely horrified. There seems to be a lot of speculation in the comments as to whether or not something like this could actually happen. As unfortunate and scary as this is, I believe something like this could absolutely happen in a hospital. The birth culture in America is so screwed up and labor, something that should be viewed as a natural process, has been twisted into this incredibly dangerous medical problem that often "require" interventions because the safety and welfare of mommy and baby are in "jeopardy."  Of course there are times where interventions are necessary and vitally important but as I research childbirth, I hear about more and more instances where interventions and other procedures are performed unnecessarily, often times against the mother's wishes.  I'm not too worried with the staff of midwives that I've chosen but I just hope and pray this doesn't happen to me.

I'm the type of person who researches the hell out of something, whether it be to plan a trip or to buy a new camera (Sidebar: Can you believe that people in this country actually spend more time doing research before buying a new electronic than they do researching childbirth? Insane!)  I was like this during infertility treatments (the doctors on post haaated me for this because I questioned everything!) and I'm like this now when it comes to pregnancy, breastfeeding and labor and delivery. I like to consider myself a well informed person and am always shocked at women who are okay with just going along with whatever their doctors say, no questions asked. I guess it has a lot to do with the horrible care I received during my infertility journey but I can't do that. My goal is for Mike and I to go into my labor armed with the knowledge to make informed decisions and not be pushed around by medical staff.

My friend, Allie, went through this with her birth team. Unfortunately, the OB on call during her labor was absolutely horrible to her and she ended up having a pretty traumatic L&D, far from the totally natural birth that she really wanted.  Allie made it all the way to 10 centimeters with no pain medications or interventions. The nurse allowed her to start pushing and when the mean OB arrived in her room she insisted that she perform a cervical check. Up to this point, Allie had not had her cervix checked for progress, she was confident that her body was doing what it should based on the way she was feeling. The OB checked Allie and hurt her so badly that she screamed in pain and the OB announced that Allie was only at a 4. Remember that minutes prior to this she had been at a 10 and was already pushing. The OB berated the nurse and basically called her a liar, right in front of Allie. In minutes, Allie's labor spiraled into something other than what she wanted and she felt like she lost control. Allie is a lot like me. She also had horrible experiences during her infertility journey and she also did a TON of research on natural childbirth. Her experience is proof that things don't always go as planned, no matter how much you prepare. I need to keep this in mind.

I read this article from The Birth Bug earlier today and I thought it was very helpful. If any of my readers are also seeking an intervention-free birth, it's something valuable to remember.





http://thebirthbug.wordpress.com/2011/05/27/i-do-not-consent/
If you are in a birthing situation and you find that your caregiver is about to do something you don’t want (e.g. an episiotomy, pulling out the forceps, putting pit in your IV, etc.), you may want to remember these four little words:

“I do not consent.”

Saying, “I’d really rather you not cut me,” or, “I don’t want a vacuum delivery if the baby is still ok,” or “Please don’t up the pit” may or may not work. However, if you say that you do not consent to a certain procedure, then the doctor or midwife cannot legally proceed wth it.
I only say this because I have heard many, many horror stories of women being on the receiving end of what in any situation other than a birth would be considered assault. Make sure you are absolutely clear with your intent and tell your caregiver if you do not consent to a procedure. I will say, however, that this phrase should probably not be taken lightly. Weigh your caregiver’s experience against your own intuition. Is your baby still ok? Are you still ok?  Find out whether the caregiver is recommending a procedure out of medical necessity, or because of convenience or a hospital policy.
If nothing else, you can always say, “Wait. I do not consent yet.” Go on to ask these four questions:
1) Is this an emergency? (If no, move on.)
2) What are the benefits of this procedure?
3) What are the risks of this procedure?
4) What happens if we do nothing?
Remember that it is never, ever too late- even in the middle of labor- to change your caregiver or birth site. If a nurse is trying to do something you do  not want, request a different one. If you are home with a midwife who has suddenly turned sour on you, it’s okay to leave and go to the hospital. If you are at the hospital and there is no acceptable caregiver, it is okay to leave the delivery room and drive to the next hospital. Again, these actions should be taken only with real cause, not at the drop of a hat.
Remember, it is YOUR birth. Yes, doctors and midwives are trained for birth. But sometimes procedures, liability issues, and yes, even sometimes the convenience of the caregiver can get in the way of letting your body do what it does best. You should always be treated with respect and dignity. Remember, with careful consideration, it is okay to utter those four words: “I do not consent.”

15 Weeks

I've been moving the past week so I've been totally MIA. Most of my house is unpacked now though, thanks to my mom. If she weren't here I'm pretty sure my house would still be in utter chaos since I don't feel like doing anything. I'm sad that I didn't get a chance to do my 14 week update but not much has changed in the past week so I figure the 15 week one will cover both. :)

How big is baby? The size of an apple.
Symptoms: I'm still waking up with a headache most mornings. My gag reflex is still very sensitive but not quite as bad as it was in past months. However, on top of the gag reflex I have now also been blessed with afternoon/evening nausea. My appetite is pretty much zilch and with my mom here I have to constantly remind her not to talk to me about food. Still throwing up almost daily. Oh! I also found what looks like the beginning of stretch marks on my boobs. Bye bye pretty boobs.
Total weight gain/loss: Around 3 pounds.
Maternity clothes? A necessity. Even my fat pants don't button anymore! Most of the time I'm in pajamas around the house though, which could get a bit embarrassing now that we live on post.
Sleep: It's getting much better most nights! I'm only getting up 3-4 times to pee now.
Best moment this week: This is from last week but since I didn't get to update then I'm using it for this week. From my appointment with my midwife on 2/16. I recorded this on my phone and I listen to it over and over. It's the sweetest sound in the world:

Gender: Unknown but we're finding out in less than a week! My 28th birthday is on March 2nd and I decided I wanted an elective ultrasound as my present. It will be great to see the baby again and hopefully the tech will be able to get a nice peek at the goods! So excited to start shopping!
Movement: Nothing that I'm really sure of but I can't wait!
Food cravings: Four cheese cheez.its, chocolate donuts, grapefruit, salt potatoes (reminiscent of our time in NY)
Labor Signs: Nope.
Belly Button in or out? In but it looks like it's starting to flatten.
What I miss: My head not feeling like it was going to split in two every morning.
What I am looking forward to: Feeling the baby move more and finding out the gender!
Next Appointment:  3/14 with my midwife.
Weekly Wisdom: The nausea and throwing up do not just disappear once you hit 2nd tri.
Milestones:  Do stretch marks on my boobs count as a milestone? Ha. I need to make a trip to Costco and buy some Bio.Oil.  I'm definitely showing now. My bump doesn't disappear when I suck it in anymore. Yay for baby bumps!

Thoughts on meeting my midwife:
Last week I met my midwife for the first time and I got a really great vibe from her. She's young, energetic, bubbly and very friendly. Just the type of person I need around when I'm going to be in agony. ;) I asked her about her philosophy on the birthing process and she said that she is very open to whatever I want, whether it be a water birth or an epidural as soon as I walk in the door.  I was originally looking into the prospect of having a water birth but Kristina told me that the pushing tubs don't have the jets.  All the other rooms have the jacuzzi tubs though and that most women find the jets very effective for pain management. So, I'm re-thinking my plan. Luckily I have several months to figure it out! Stupid me forgot to mention my placenta previa to her so I'm wondering if I missed out on a chance to see the baby but I did get to hear the sweet heartbeat. It was a short appointment but I got a good feel for the practice. I definitely feel confident delivering with them and now that we've moved the hospital is less than 20 minutes from our house. I can't believe that  in less than a week we are going to find out if we're having a baby boy or girl!