Infertility 101

National Infertility Awareness Week begins on 24 April and in honor of that I have decided to dedicate this entire post to what it means to live with infertility; a combination of the facts and my own opinions (I got my M.D. from Google. *wink*)  All the information in this post has come from my own personal experience or from websites such as RESOLVE (http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html).


What is infertility? 
FACT: More than 7.3 million Americans, or 1 in 8 couples of childbearing, age are infertile.  Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system often diagnosed after a couple has had one year of unprotected, well-timed intercourse, or if the woman has suffered from multiple miscarriages and the woman is under 35 years of age. If the woman is over 35 years old, it is diagnosed after 6 months of unprotected, well-timed intercourse. Approximately 30% of infertility is due to female factor and 30% is due to male factor. In the balance of the cases, infertility results from problems in both partners or the cause of the infertility is "unexplained".


There IS a difference between having difficulty getting pregnant and infertility. I can't tell you how much it upsets me when I hear or see women whining about not getting pregnant after several months and that they have an infertility problem for no reason other than they're not pregnant yet.  There haven't been many things in my life that have been more heartbreaking than our struggle with infertility. (Read: friends KIA in Iraq definitely trump IF!)  I never dreamed that it would take me over two years to get pregnant and it gets harder with each month that passes.  I KNOW how difficult it is to not get pregnant when you want a baby more than anything in the world but impatience does not equal infertility.

For months I had had to fight to get an appointment at my REI clinic and now I'm beginning to wonder how many patients are there not because of infertility but because they didn't get pregnant immediately. Patients who jump the gun due to impatience are taking valuable time with the RE away from patients who are genuinely struggling with infertility.   By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.


FACT: Infertility is isolating.
Infertility is a life crisis -- it has a rippling effect on all areas of your life. It is normal to feel a sense of failure that can affect your self-esteem and self-image. You will move through this crisis. It is a process, and it may mean letting go of initial dreams. Throughout this process, stay informed about the wide range of options and connect with others facing similar experiences. 

Sometimes I feel like the only infertile Army wife in existence.  Recently, there was a large baby boom on post after all the homecomings last summer.  I still don't have my post-deployment baby and it's been a year and a half. You grow up, you get married and you have babies. That's the natural order of things but it doesn't always happen that way and it's incredibly isolating.  At this stage in life, nearly everything centers around families with children and it's so hard to be the only couple without kids.
When you're infertile your support system almost completely disappears. Most of your friends and family can't possibly understand what you're going through.  If you're lucky (I am!) you will have supportive and empathetic friends and family but none of them truly understand your struggles.  Sometimes they end up saying incredibly hurtful things, "Maybe you're not meant to be parents..." (Yes, because the crack whore that threw her baby in a dumpster was going to be mother of the year.) or "You just need to relax."  Bitterness and resentment comes in waves. You feel like a failure.  Most of the time you think you're doing okay but sometimes infertility will smack you in the face and it takes days before you're "okay" again.

FACT: Relaxing won't cure me of my infertility. 
Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system. While relaxing may help you with your overall quality of life, the stress and deep emotions you feel are the result of infertility, not the cause of it. Improved medical techniques have made it easier to diagnose infertility problems. 


"Just relax!" Luckily no one says this much to me anymore but I got it A LOT during the first year we were TTC.  In the Army, it seems like everyone reproduces like rabbits so most of the time I smile and act pregnant rather than explaining what we're going through to other couples. Stress does not cause infertility but infertility sure as hell causes a lot of stress.


FACT: There is no proof that if I adopt a baby then I will miraculously get pregnant. 
This is one of the most painful myths for couples to hear. First it suggests that adoption is only a means to an end, not an happy and successful end in itself. Second, it is simply not true. Studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt. 
 
There have been several recent story lines about infertility in different movies and tv shows I've seen.  I'm glad that society is beginning to talk about infertility more openly but I'm so tired of the cliche/cheesy infertility story lines.   In "Did You Hear About the Morgans?" a couple is on the verge of divorce because of infertility. They end up reconciling, decide to adopt and then, in true Hollywood fashion, miraculously get pregnant on their own.  What a cliche!  Everyone seems to know someone who knows someone who had infertility and as soon as they adopted (surprise!) they got pregnant. What a load of bollocks.

One of my favorite shows, Parenthood, has jumped on the infertility story line band wagon. My friend, Mrs. Irons, and I totally called it too! When Julia and Joel first started TTC Mrs. Irons and I said, "They either get pregnant right away or they'll have secondary IF."  It was the latter only technically they weren't infertile because Julia sought help after only five months. Julia and Joel are going to adopt now and I'm betting they get pregnant as soon as the ink on the adoption paperwork dries.

So what do you think? Is infertility the new trend or what?