November IComLeavWe

Hi everyone, I'm Megan, I'm 27 and this is my second IComLeavWe.  I'm married to a wonderful man name Mike, who is a soldier in the United States Army.  We're college sweethearts and have been married for 7.5 years.  I'm pretty sure that I was born in the wrong era as I love big band music and to bake and sew. You won't see this girl wearing pearls though--I prefer my sleeve of tattoos and a band t-shirt.

We've been TTC since February 2008, with a one year forced break from October 2008-2009 while my husband was on his second tour to Iraq. Our military insurance has a rule that you must be TTC for 12 consecutive months before they will refer you to a specialist so we were not able to see a RE until September 2010.  To say the care we received at the military infertility clinic was substandard would be putting it mildly and so last month we switched to a civilian RE. Before we switched, however, we completed six total medicated cycles and four IUIs--all negative obviously.  I have endometriosis and the lesions/scarring has caused my left ovary to fuse to my pelvic wall at such an angle that it has caused a partial blockage in my left fallopian tube. We chose to move on to IVF and I am on day 6 of stims.  In the past week I have had 24 injections and 4 blood draws.  Today I'll be having my 5th blood draw as well as an ultrasound to check the number and size of the follicles that are growing--hopefully it's a good number!

We are living in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and absolutely love it here. It is the perfect place for myself, a self proclaimed left-minded liberal, to be and no one looks at me funny when I ask for vegetarian and vegan options. We really enjoy traveling around the state and experiencing all the opportunities this area has to offer and we especially enjoy all the great brews that the PacNW has to offer!  We're beer snobs.  What really makes this duty station great is that my brother is only an hour away--when we lived at Fort Drum, NY our closest family was 10+ hours away, so this is a definite perk. My brother and sister-in-law are actually going through IVF right now as well (MFI--azoospermia) and she is only a few days ahead of me in her cycle.  It's going to be a hormone fest at our Vegan Thanksgiving! I am sure the boys, ahem men, will be consuming copious amounts of beer. It'll be sparkling cider for SIL and I!

Well, that's about it I guess.   I am looking forward to discovering some new infertility blogs--I often spend my mornings/evenings sipping a cuppa and glancing through my Reader. Thanks for checking out my blog! Happy IComLeaveWe!

Just Make My Damn Latte

As of today I have done 22 injections and had my blood drawn four times. This morning's blood draw was particularly brutal. I swear the nurse was about 12 and was more interested in my tattoos than paying attention to what she was doing. I felt her jab the needle in but I wasn't expecting the bleeding and swelling afterward. It still effing hurts. =(

 Once again, I went to Panera for breakfast afterward. Hey--I definitely deserved it today! I keep confusing the baristas by requesting a decaf Chai Latte--every single day they come and ask me, "Do you want it with decaf shots or do you want us to make it decaf?"  What part of Decaf Chai Latte is so hard to understand?  Just make my damn latte. Oh, but these hormones aren't having any effect on me whatsoever. Ha.

 I'm definitely feeling less like myself. Today I went to Joann's to buy some supplies and I told the lady at the cutting counter that I didn't need anything else, even though there was clearly another bolt of fabric in my cart to be cut. THEN, I walked away from the cutting counter and left behind all my cut fabric. I'm losing it and I had to double my PM dosage of Menopur beginning tonight, so I can only imagine how it's going to be from here on out. Today I teared up listening to a Christmas greeting on the radio from a soldier stationed in Afghanistan.  I feel like I have no control over my emotions right now and I find myself going from one extreme to the other.  Lucky Mike is coming home just in time!

Tonight I came home and made stockings for three special little girls, my nieces Annabelle, Madeline and Charlotte. Didn't they turn out cute? <3 Tomorrow is Day 6 of stims and I have to get more blood work and an ultrasound, but my treat tomorrow will be the best of all--my H is finally coming home from training! <3

Muffin Top

Where do I start?  I feel like I have the world's biggest muffin top. Ha! Perhaps that will be the opening line in my book about my IVF journey. That line could be the next "Who is John Galt" or "Marley was dead to begin with." Seriously, my bloat is that epic. My boobs hurt. I'm exhausted and I fell asleep during the Notre Dame game! It's 6:30 and I could totally go to bed. (See, Mrs. E, I say totally too!) Senior Day at Notre Dame and Princess Diaries 2 made me cry....but my estradiol is rising nicely. That pretty much sums up my day, how about yours?

I finally got to talk to Mike last night. He's coming home as scheduled so only a couple more wake-ups and he'll be back! It was so nice to talk to him and finally unload everything that's been going through my mind this last week. I finally feel like we're in this together.

This morning I treated myself to breakfast at Pa_nera, after my third blood draw and sixteenth injection since Monday. Decaf Chai Latte and an Asiago breakfast sandwich minus bacon. I love taking a good book to Panera and indulging in good cup of tea/coffee. I think I'll do it again after my blood work tomorrow. It won't help the bloat but who the hell cares. I deserve it, right?

Wiped.

My Morning Injections
From L to R: Menopur and Diluent, 27g needle, syringe, 31g needle and Micro Dose Lupron, Alcohol Swabs and Q-Cap

I was ready for bed by 5 pm last night but I ended up going to bed around 9 and of course I wasn't able to sleep until 11. I.am.wiped.  I don't know if it's the meds or what but I feel absolutely exhausted. Not much else to say right now other than that my H is supposed to be getting his phone back today and I can't wait to hear from him! It's been really difficult to start all this by myself. Sure, I'm getting through it but it will be really nice when my support system is home with me to get through the tough stuff together. My original meds are STILL in Customs and my replacement order arrived there this morning.  I am going to be stalking the tracking information today for any clue as to whether or not my replacement meds are going to get stuck there too.

My doctor called last night and said, "Your estradiol is rising nicely," as if he were complimenting me. Ha! I didn't know what to say. "Thank you? I rock." I have to go for blood work tomorrow and then an ultrasound on Sunday. It will be nice to know how many more days I need to do the injections because I'm starting to feel (and look!) like a pin cushion. I'm kind of welcoming the bloating that's coming along with all of this because I am seriously running out of new injection sites. After my evening injections I reward myself with a little treat--it's a great motivator. I don't normally have a sweet tooth but these are delicious!

My belly complete with laparoscopy scars, redness, bruising and bloat.

My post-injection treat.

Retail Therapy.

After my shots last night I was ready to take back everything I said about the injections not hurting and the Menopur not burning. Last night's injections were rough, really rough.  I felt the needle catch, followed by a pop, extreme burning, bleeding and bruising. Thankfully, this morning went much more smoothly.  I've found that it is much less painful when I grit my teeth and just jab the needle in as opposed putting it in gingerly but the Menopur still burns like a bitch, there's no stopping that.  My poor abdomen is already tender and sore and it hurts for Figaro to lay on me now. I have a feeling this is going to get much, much worse before it gets better.

I had to drive to my clinic to get my blood checked today and afterward a friend and I went to lunch and to the mall for a little retail therapy.  I haven't been to a mall in at least a year (shocking, right?) and I was able to finish up my Christmas shopping for Mike. I even got him a few extra things and treated myself to a couple new sweaters, a bottle of Winter Candy Apple lotion from Bath & Body Works (yum!) and a new pair of slippers. I'm exhausted now but was very happily surprised when arrived home to a little package from C from Waiting and Wishing Thank you so much, Christi! I love the socks, the book mark and your sweet note! The support that I've received during my IVF journey thus far has been absolutely amazing. Thank you, everyone.

How Do You Explain IF to a Child?

Last night my sister texted me and said: "Annablle made you a good luck card tonight."
Me: "Aww, really? Does she know what she is wishing me luck for? :P"
Sister: "Yep. Several months ago she asked why you and uncle mike didn't have a baby.  We explained that you wanted a baby very much, and that doctors were trying to help you have one. She knows you are taking medicine to help you have a baby or two and she has been praying for you. :) thankfully she hasn't asked specifics for your situation or my pregnancy."
Me:" Awww. Make me cry! What a sweetheart!"

Even my six year old niece, Annabelle, has noticed that Uncle Mike and Aunt Megan don't have a baby. ::sigh:: How do you explain infertility to a six year old? I think my sister did a great job and I had tears in my eyes when I found out that Annabelle, my sweet Belly, is praying for us.

My morning started off terribly.  First, Bailey peed everywhere. It was my fault, she's on steroids and sometimes has to go potty a lot, she was whining and I didn't get out of bed. When I heard her peeing I started yelling which made her run around the room, while she was still peeing. Fun! Then, I checked my email and saw that a customer has submitted a Paypal dispute against me and that the money she paid me ($100+) is being held while the dispute is investigated. She received her order about 6 days ago and I have a feeling she's just trying to scam me.  She's saying that the Credit Card charge was fraudulent so I submitted all the correspondence between the two of us to Paypal, including the e-mail where she asked me to send the invoice so that she could pay with her credit card. I really hope Paypal finds in my favor because I could really use that money right now.

So, not a good start to the day but I survived my first Menopur injection this morning! It did burn but not nearly as badly as I was expecting. I had a little mixing mishap with the two vials of Menopur so I need to re-watch the videos in preparation for next time.  So far I don't have any bruises or marks on my belly other than tiny red needle marks, so that's good. Hopefully this stimming thing is going to be easier than I thought.

A Little Love

I am married to an amazing man.  He is training in the middle of the Mojave and still managed to find a way to send me flowers today. He knew I'd need a little pick me up and love and it arrived in the form of 20 beautiful white tulips! Best.husband.ever.

I survived my first injection of Lupron this morning. Now, nearly five hours later, I have a headache and am feeling incredibly tired. That could be Lupron side effects or the fact that I didn't have any caffeine this morning OR maybe it's because I had horrible cramps and anxiety last night so I didn't sleep well. Anyone have any insight? Only seven hours until my next injection. Menopur starts tomorrow.





Maybe it's the exhaustion but my mind is playing tricks on me. Now that I've started the drugs and can't have a beer all I think about is having a beer. A nice, tall Franziskaner Hefeweizen with an orange. Yum......