Happy St. Nicholas Day!!!

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday and St. Nicholas Day has always been very special to me. This year I got a very special gift: Santa brought me my first BFP. That's right, friends, I'm pregnant.

I am 6dp5dt and I woke up at 0430 and took a test. Nothing showed up at first and I felt so defeated but then, very slowly, a shadow of a line began to show and pretty soon there was a very faint but clear line. I just stared at it. I couldn't believe it. In almost four years, I have never, ever seen even a shadow of a second line that I didn't have to stare at cross eyed to see. It was a few minutes before I felt sure of that second little line and I went into the bedroom and shook Mike awake. He stirred and I asked if he was awake and as soon as I got a grunt of confirmation I blurted out, "There's two lines." He said, "I was dreaming about you peeing on a stick...." Then he hugged me and I started to ugly cry. Then we ran into the bathroom to stare at the test. Mike immediately said, "I see it!" Then we stared some more and Mike said, "We're staring....at your pee." Yes, yes we were. It was so funny that I had to commemorate it with a picture.

Quidditch is clearly oblivious to the epic event taking place in front of his very eyes.

Mike jokingly said, "There's two lines so that means there's two of them in there right?" to which I responded "Yeah and they're both pink so that means they're girls." I congratulated him and said, "Good job Mike. I'm KTFU" and he immediately said, "Hey now, no need to cuss in front of the little ears." Mike had to leave for work shortly after the Great HPT Staring Event of 2011 but he left the house in all smiles.  I took a second test and I thought for sure nothing would show up because it wasn't FMU but it turned up positive too! They lines are very light but they're there. Holy crap, I'm pregnant.  It's been almost seven hours since I took my first test and I'm still wearing my pajamas and laying in bed. I'm terrified to move...except to run back into the bathroom to make sure the lines are still there.  I had planned to clean the house today but now I'm scared to vacuum. I have no idea what to do with myself. Beta is scheduled for Friday and the clinic says that unless I start spotting then I should stick with that plan. How will I ever make it to Friday? AND I'm out of pregnancy tests. I think a trip to Tar.get is necessary--#1 To buy more HPTs. #2 To go to Starbucks and REALLY have a reason to order a decaf White Chocolate Mocha and #3 If I don't get out of this house then I will go crazy for sure.

I am rejoicing but I am also so, so scared.  If I've learned one thing in my years on infertility boards it's that life is precious. I am trying very hard not to think of all the "what ifs" and to celebrate the moment.  Right now, I'm pregnant and I love Bunsen and Beaker. Estimated due date is 22 August 2012, three days after Mike's birthday--how special is that?  Both of us are in absolute shock and we've decided to tell our families. They've all been so supportive of us in this journey and no matter what happens tomorrow, two weeks or two months from now, today I am pregnant and we want to celebrate this miracle with our families. We may not get another opportunity to do so and we want to soak up every bit of this excitement. If you are a friend reading this, please, please do not post anything on Facebook or anywhere else. We are not telling anyone IRL except family for right now. Consider yourself one of the privileged. :)

I've already talked to my mom and one of my sisters and I plan to email my brothers later. I was debating on whether or not to tell my brother our news since they won't find out anything until their beta on Sunday. (For my new readers: my SIL have been days apart in our IVF cycles. My brother was dx with azospermia in August and the timing just worked out for us to have overlapping cycles. SIL has two kids from a previous marriage but they have none together.) I'm so afraid of them getting bad news and the incredible guilt that will come along with our success and their failure.  However, my mom told me something that almost made me turn into a puddle of emotions: She said, "Your brother told me that he really hoped it worked for you because he knew that if you didn't get pregnant you'd be devastated. He said that if this doesn't work for them then it's not the end of their world but he knows you'd be crushed." Cue tears.  I really, really hope my brother gets good news and that my sister-in-law and I have babies together. It would be amazing.

I want to thank each and every person who has helped me, supported me and encouraged me on this journey. I had my doubts as to whether this day would ever come.  You never know how comforting the words of an internet stranger can be until you go on a journey like this. A huge thank you also goes out to the ladies who donated meds to me when mine were held hostage in Customs.  This literally would not be happening right now if it weren't for you and I will forever be grateful. I am still thinking of each and every one of my dear friends who is still waiting on their miracles. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that your time comes soon too. ((HUGS))

So, without further adeiu....proof that I am indeed KTFU. This is a St. Nicholas Day to remember! Believe in Christmas miracles, I know I do.

P.S. After telling Mike, the second best part of my day was getting to tell my six year old niece, the Amazing Annabelle, that her good luck card brought me lots of luck and that she was going to have a new baby cousin. Her response? "Aww. You have a BABY?!?!? Now I can tell my friends....." <3