Mother's Day

Holidays are always hard when you're infertile.  So many holidays are centered around children, often making them unbearable for an infertile couple.  Mother's Day is a day to celebrate our own moms and all they've done for us but it is also a day to celebrate our own motherhood...or it should be.  The banners, the tearjerker cards, the commercials and even the Mother's Day sales on luggage are a painful reminder that I am not yet a mother.   We found out that our first IUI attempt failed just in time to "celebrate" Mother's Day. With each holiday that passes, I think to myself, "Next year will be different."  It never is.  This will be the third Mother's Day to pass since I started trying to become a mom. I can't wait for this Mother's Day season to be over and I feel so guilty for feeling that way.

I'm not asking for sympathy and I certainly don't want your pity. All I'm asking is that those of you who are already mothers take a moment and remember the barren women who are suffering and counting the seconds until Mother's Day is over. Remember the women who have lost their babies, the women who are being poked and probed, undergoing test after test and failed procedure after failed procedure, or miles of bureaucratic red tape waiting for their adoption match.  Please remember the women who are going to hell and back for their chance to become a mom and pray that by next Mother's Day their hearts will be healed and their arms will be wrapped around the child they fought so hard for.

Here are some tidbits from different articles that I've read this week. I found them them interesting/comforting/meaningful/perfect:

"Holidays also mark the passing of another year. "Many couples say to themselves, 'Maybe next year at this time we'll have a baby to love,' and as the holiday passes without a pregnancy or a birth, feelings of defeat flood in," said Shapiro in her book Infertility and Pregnancy Loss.
Infertility is a loss that couples share, but women mourn it differently. "It's the woman's body that sustains the pregnancy, delivers the baby, nurses the baby, and little girls are socialized from their youngest years to anticipate motherhood as an integral part of their lives."
Shapiro said it's especially difficult for would-be mothers in their 20s and 30s not to be part of the "Club" that passes around sonograms, has baby showers at work, and talks, almost constantly, it seems, about everything from Lamaze classes to toilet training"  http://www.aces.uiuc.edu/news/stories/news2309.html


"This year when the fill-in-the-blank (pastor, priest, minister, rabbi, etc.) asks all women in the congregation who are mothers to stand to be recognized, you might take a closer look at the women who remain seated. There are many among them grateful that only a few hours remain to be endured in the annual Mother’s Day season." http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/05/07/a-non-mothers-day/

"It is good and right to honor mothers. The Bible calls us to do so. Jesus does so with his own mother. We must recognize though that many infertile women find this day almost unbearable. This is not because these women are (necessarily) bitter or covetous or envious. The day is simply a reminder of unfulfilled longings, longings that are good." http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/russellmoore/remember-the-infertile-on-mothers-day.html

"Just about every woman has a child in her life, by relation or by choice, whom she loves and adores. Every boo-boo she kisses, every little hand she holds, every hug she gives is a gift to that family. And every time a PANK® (Professional Aunt No Kids) stays late so a mom can leave early to attend to a sick child, or takes on double the work when a new mom is on maternity leave, she's contributing to the national American Family Village.
These Savvy Aunties are not childless. They are childfull; they choose to love the children they know and give to children around the nation -- and around the world.
 It's time to embrace all the maternal women in a child's life this Mother's Day. It's time to open the door and welcome Auntie in." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-notkin/mothers-day-other-mothers_b_857328.html?ref=fb&src=sp

"So this Mother’s Day, look around your church. Sitting in a chair or pew is a hurting woman who wants to celebrate the day, but is struggling with the pain of infertility. If you are a mother, it is a day to celebrate and be honored. But in your time of celebration and giving thanks to God for the blessings of your children, whisper a prayer for the other women - those with empty arms because of infertility, miscarriage, abortion, and even death. They are suffering their own private pain. Don’t offer platitudes, pity, or answers. Instead, offer yourself as a source of comfort and prayer." http://blogs.cbn.com/familymatters/archive/2010/05/06/mothers-day-a-painful-reminder-of-infertility.aspx

Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all the "moms" in my own life who helped shape me and make me the woman that I am today.  Happy Mother's Day to all of the expectant moms, moms of angels, fur baby moms, adoptive moms and future moms!