Out of the IF Closet!

I'll be leaving in a few hours for my HSG. I'm really nervous--not necessarily about the procedure but more about receiving bad news.

I came out on Facebook this morning. This is HUGE for me. If you've been reading my blog long you know that being in the infertility closet is something I have been struggling with for a long time.

***** is tired of suffering in silence and is coming out of the infertility closet. After 22 months of trying to become parents, Mike and I pursuing fertility treatments. Today I am having some testing done and am praying for good results. I promise to spare you the gritty details of our journey and the goings-on of our rep...roductive organs but as for your prayers and support as we get through this! ♥ Disclaimer: Please read the following article before commenting.

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Infertility EtiquetteRESOLVE: The National Infertility Association

www.resolve.org

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.

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My status was up for about an hour before I received my first "just relax" comment which I deleted too hastily out of anger. I should have left it up and responded with something snarky. Seriously--TWENTY-TWO MONTHS OF TRYING and you're going to tell me to RELAX?  Luckily I have received a lot of positive feedback which makes me feel great. 

 

I can't wait for this test to be over and to have a great Halloween weekend. Last year sucked--I was mourning the loss of my kitters, Prince, and I had swine flu. The year before that I sat in a dark house hiding from trick-or-treaters while Mike was in Iraq. This year....we will party like Seattleites. 

HSG Scheduled

I was so afraid to make the phone call to schedule my HSG for fear of being told "Sorry, we have no availability" for the second month in a row. BUT next Friday, the 29th at 1:30 I will have my HSG! Thursday I have to go in for a pregnancy test and start some antibiotics. I should have the results by Tuesday. If it comes back all clear then I will start clomid on the next cycle!

Fertility drugs and a trip to Walt Disney World...not sure how those who will mix.

It's a crazy feeling. FINALLY knowing that we are taking steps toward having a family of our own. It's so exciting!

Emotions.

Do you have any idea what it's like to feel so happy for someone else while at the same time be completely sad for yourself?
This is how I felt when I received these pictures from Mike, who is still TDY to Fort Drum. Friends of ours had their second baby while he was there and he got to see her when she was a few days old. These pictures made me cry. Mike had a difficult time seeing her and he said it was hard.  He's such a macho man that I forget how much our my our infertility hurts him too. I can't wait for the time to come when I'll be able to share pictures of Mike holding our own baby.

I found out  that she was pregnant when she called me on our road trip to WA. We were at a crappy hotel in Salt Lake City, UT. Mike had only been home for a few months and had recently started trying again. My friend told me to "stop trying and have fun." I told her that if all it took was having fun then I would have 15 children by now. I haven't called her since she had the baby and I feel like a horrible friend.